Wilted Rose
by Shadow Faery
Summary: After Kingdom Hearts, Kairi is put in an insane asylum when no one believes her on what happened to Sora and Riku. Kairi POV
1. Plastic Bracelet

Chapter 1

The white walls scare me. The locked door with its window makes me feel like a lab rat, exposed yet trapped so I can be examined. No one believes my story. No one believes that I had nothing to do with their disappearances. No one believes that Sora and Riku are in another world. They all think I had something to do with it. Some believe I killed them, but I didn't. No one believes the truth.

"Kairi, time for your medicine," calls the attendant. The wide woman unlocks the door, pushing a cart in front of her. The tag on her shirt says Mary. Mary of Cypress Grove. Cypress Grove Insane Asylum. She acts sugar sweet, as if I'm a little child. But I'm not. I've grown a lot since I've returned to Destiny Island.

"Leave me alone," I mutter as she shuts the door behind her. "For the millionth time, I'm not crazy. Let me out." I hate this place. I hate the people dressed in white. I hate the hideous green blue clothes they make me wear, and the plastic bracelet on my wrist that is scarred from my many attempts to remove it.

"Now Kairi my dear. No one says you're crazy. You're just a little sick." She begins preparing a little cup of water, pills sitting next to them. A syringe sits next to them, the needle in its plastic cover glinting malevolently. If I'm good, she won't have to use it. But I'm not going to be good. I don't want the pills, the pills that make me feel like I'm in a dream, like I really am going crazy.

"I'm not sick. I'm not crazy. I'm telling the truth!" I yell. They have to understand. There are other worlds out there. There are shadows that block out the light.

"Yes you are, now just eat the candy like a good girl," she tells me. She's the crazy one. It doesn't take a genius to tell the pale cream colored pills aren't sweets. They are far from sweet.

"They're not candy and I don't want any!" I yell. I can see her patience wearing thin. She's wishing that I was just one of the other patients, one of the docile stupid ones. But I'm not.

Mary pulls out a remote, a single red button on it. She presses the button, sending a signal to call for reinforcement. Good. If I have to take the pills, I'm not going to make it easy for her.

The door swings open once again, admitting two men dressed in white shirt and white pants. They look bored. I'm just a young girl. It shouldn't take that much to just make me take some medication.

"You need to cooperate," Mary says, holding out the pills and the glass of water. I take the pills, pop them in my mouth and drink some water. But I don't swallow. I spit it in her face and smile.

"Stupid brat," she curses, the men advancing as they each grab for my arms. I struggle, not wanting to make it easy for them, but they are much stronger. Still, I fight. Riku had taught me a few tricks before he and Sora left. I thrust my elbow into the stomach of the man on my right, bringing my fist up to hit him in the face. His cry of pain pleases me. They should know not to pick on girls.

Mary grabs the syringe, the other man holding my arms behind my back as I scream. The man I hit holds my ankles to keep me from kicking. There are too many. Like the heartless, they won't let me leave. A stinging pain lances through my arm as Mary plunges the needle into my flesh.

The drug is quick, spreading through my blood like venom. A minute later, my limbs feel heavy. I can't move.

The men lay me on my bed, attaching straps to my wrist and ankles. I can't leave. I'm a prisoner here.   
"Next time, just behave and we don't have to do this again," says Mary in her sickeningly sweet voice. She pushes the cart out, followed by the two men. I am glad to see that one is still rubbing his nose. I hope I broke it. The door clicks shut and they lock me in. I'm alone again.

I feel like I'm dying. Like I'm floating. It's like when the heartless stole my heart. I am here yet I am not here. The shape of people passing my door blurs as the drug numbs my senses. I can't think straight. I can't feel the bonds that chafe my wrists anymore. No one can help me.

The room dims, faint sounds from outside my door being stifled as if a pillow is being placed over my head. I'm being smothered to death. Sora, Riku, where are you two? Why couldn't you come home too? Why aren't you here to help me? You two were always there for me before. Help me now. Get me out of here…


	2. Stark White

Chapter 2

The single bulb behind the plastic cover in the ceiling that is always lit provides the only light in my room, though it is more than enough. It is blinding with the stark white room, everything colorless. Sometimes I want to just fade into the darkness like before. If I could, I'd wish for a heartless to take me once more, to leave only the shell of me. Then I can't feel pain anymore. And maybe Sora and Riku will come back. To rescue me. I wouldn't be alone.

It is night, though I don't know that from the sky. There is no window here. Only the one on the door so the people here can gawk at me. I know this because the hall lights are dark, only shadows flitting across the walls. I wish I was out there. Away from the light. I feel like a moth, hungry for the dark and despising the shining bulb above me.

At last, I can think by myself. No annoying attendants forcing me to go to the common room to socialize with the other patients. I don't have to worry about counseling sessions or therapy. This is the only time I don't mind being by myself.

I lie on the stiff bed, the mattress only a vague reminder of my own bed at home. The thin blanket covers the restraints so I can imagine they aren't there. I can imagine the white walls as a blank canvas and I'm painting a picture of my room.

Over by the door which is now thick wood stands an oak bureau. My bookshelf with my favorite novels sits by my desk that faces the window. I can sit in my desk and look out the window to the beach as sun shines through and casts its light over the room. It is a large window, with a window seat my father built for me. I would sit there an read all day or watch Sora and Riku sparring below my window as they each try to prove who is better. A window that doesn't exist in my present room.

I turn my memory away from the window and the memory of sun as I blink back a tear. I don't cry anymore. Crying hasn't helped at all. Crying couldn't get me out of here as I begged my parents not to leave.

The invisible nightstand next to my bed is where I focus my attention now. It is a mistake. I see my radio and my lamp, pale violet and blue and pink. I see pictures standing in their frames, happy moments in my life captured within their wooden borders.

The picture of my family does little to ease my pain. It only fuels my anger. Of all the people I trusted, my parents were the ones who turned against me. They abandoned me here to die, wilting away into nothing. Father used to call me his precious, his rose. Now I must be just his weed, a problem in his life that disgraces him.

Snapshots of me, Sora, and Riku fill the rest of the surface. I smile, just a bit, remembering some of the times. We were all just children, me sitting with tears in my eyes after the boys had accidentally wrestled with each other through my sand castle. One depicts us in school, Riku and me dumping a bucket of water on Sora after he'd switched everything in our lockers so I ended up with a wooden sword and a pair of old gym shorts while Riku was greeted with my brush, mirror, and my various other girl essentials. Others just show us all smiling and happy, something I haven't felt for a long time.

As I finally come to a picture of us taken only a week before the incident, I wonder what had happened. We are standing by our unfinished raft, the three of us planning our adventure. It had to have happened, right? Or was I really crazy? Did I dream about it all, about the heartless and the storm? Did they leave the island without me and drown at sea?

No. It did happen. I am positive. My lucky key chain is gone. I swear with my life that I gave it to Sora. And I remember clearly his promise to return. I'm not the crazy one. Why would I kill my two best friends? Why would I lie about them being sucked into other worlds?

I want to take a closer look at the picture, to cherish and remember the last cheerful moment I had, but as I reach for the memory, a knock shocks me out of my trance. A white figure devours the window of the door, and a light peers behind it. I've been so entranced in thoughts that I haven't noticed the staff arrive and hall wake up in

"Good morning dear," the fat attendant Mary greets in her fake cheerfulness as she peeks into my room. "I brought you breakfast. I'll come back later to take you to visit Dr. Mason."

I don't agree with her happiness and ignore her as she places the tray on my table and shuts the door with a little twiddle of her fingers of a farewell as she bustles down to tend to her other charges.

The oatmeal in my breakfast grows cold as I disregard the meal, the apples browning. Why should I bother eating? I don't do anything but lie around all day. I don't need the energy.

Reluctantly, I rise to sample the food, the gnawing in my stomach demanding to be fed. I sit alone and eat, more for something to do than to ease the hunger. The oatmeal is gritty and thick and the fruits are sour. I lose my appetite. Lunch might be better.

The room spins a little as I stand. Did they drug my food? They must have slipped pills into the oatmeal after the struggle from the previous night. Damn them. Why can't they let me be?

Mary appears once more as I turn around slowly. She seems content that her little trick seemed to work. I am docile and helpless. What more does she want?

"I see you're ready now, Kairi," she acknowledges, though I can see a man behind her for backup just in case. "We're going to talk to someone now, so I want you to be on your best behavior."

The man takes my arm and leads me out as we follow Mary. I don't bother fighting the drug. It's useless.

We stop outside a door with a gold plated sign it. "Dr. Mason," it says. My first psychiatrist counseling. Just another quack like the ones I used to see before I was placed in Cypress Grove.

The room is different from the halls right outside its threshold. Instead of the white, I see wooden paneling and furniture. It seems welcoming and warm, a big difference than what I have been getting used to these past few weeks.

I am led to the couch where straps are attached to my wrists to anchor me to the couch. They must expect me to lose my temper again and attempt to harm the doctor. I sit quietly with my hands folded in my lap and stare at the floor, ignoring the other door in the room open to admit a petite woman with thin glasses and hair tied in a bun. She reminds me a bit of a librarian like all the other psychiatrists I've seen.

"Take those restraints off the girl, James," she tells the man. "I don't want her to feel uncomfortable." He is reluctant but obeys, standing by the door just in case. The lady nods to Mary and the fat nurse leaves. Good. Of everyone here, I hate her most. I don't want her around if I am to be telling my life story.

"Now, Kairi," says the librarian-like lady, the kind expressions looking foreign on her tight, serious face. "I'm Dr. Mason. Look at me while I'm talking dear."

I ignore her and she lifts my chin with a finger. "There now. I can see you're a very pretty girl." I start putting mental walls around me. People always compliment you when they want you to let your guards down, but I've learned.

"I see in your records here," she says, flipping through a file as I advert my eyes to the ground once more, "That you've been through some hard times. It says here a couple of your friends disappeared and you seem to not have recovered from that trauma."

"My best friends," I whisper, tensing up at the memory. I don't want to talk to her at all. This is a waste of time. She would just pretend to listen and get paid for it while I get sent back to my little niche in hell.

"Now, my dear, why don't you tell me what happened since they vanished," she says softly. I can't tell her. She'll just give me more odd looks and prescribe more medicine.

"Kairi, listen," she says, reading the file once more. "It says here you claim your heart was taken by something called heartless and your friends are stuck in other worlds after one of them saved you, is that correct?"

I don't answer. She must be looking at the accounting of my tale I had written in my diary after I returned when no one would listen to me. They had taken my little book when I was admitted, saying it might help them determine my psychological problems. My diary was the only one who would listen and not judge me as insane or give my secrets away. Now everything I ever felt is laid out like an open book.

"Well," she says, closing it and holding my chin in one hand to force me to look at her. "It is a very good story, but it's impossible. The police believe they had left in their boats and were killed in the ocean when the storm struck. The boats were missing and they weren't seen during or after the storm. They said only bits of wood and what looks like the remains of a raft washed up.

So the raft hadn't made it through the storm It had been our ticket to freedom, and now its mutilated corpse only aided in everyone's explanation that Riku and Sora had tried to test out the raft and never returned.

"They're not dead," I say, my voice hoarse from lack of use lately. "Riku is in Kingdom Hearts and Sora is out there somewhere."

Dr. Mason just nods. I can see her jotting something down on a notepad, but I can't make out anything.

"So it seems to me," she says, "That your problems started after the storm cleared." Once again I'm silent, not denying nor agreeing.

Minutes tick by as she writes. Clearing her throat, she stands and walks to her desk. She returns carrying something.

"Now Kairi, listen sweetie," she says, handing me a pale purple bound notebook, the kind with no wires. They must think I'd try to hurt myself with it. "Look, it's your favorite color, isn't that right?" I don't say anything. Purple was the old Kairi's favorite colored. Now, I prefer anything dark, dark so I can hide in unlike my white enclosure.

"Honey, I want you to write everything that happened from that moment, can you do that for me?" she asks, though I know she is demanding more than requesting. "Write your feelings or anything you want in it. Bring it in every session and we can discuss it, is that alright?"

I hug the book to my chest, hungry for something I can express everything to but reluctant to accept it. They will just use it as a tool to prove I am truly insane.

Dr. Mason doesn't seem to notice it as she hands me a pen as well, motioning James back over.

"Take her back to her room," she tells him. "She should rest for today. She can go to the common room tomorrow and I shall see her on Thursday." Adjusting her glasses, she ushers us out of her office and back into the blinding white hall, closing the door.

"Come on kid," James mutters, grabbing my upper arm hard and dragging me back to my room. I try to keep up, but my mind is elsewhere. The notebook in my arm presses against my chest, inviting me to write. Maybe I will write. It doesn't matter if they believe me or not. They never believe me anyways. I just want to


	3. Crumpled Crane

__

Dr. Mason said I could write anything in here, but I also want to see where people started to think I was crazy. It was a few weeks ago when I returned to Destiny Island. The last of the storm clouds were clearing as I woke up on the beach, coughing up water. Sitting up, I could see Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka running toward me.

"Kairi!" Selphie calls. I am dripping water from the sea when it had washed over my unconscious body, awakening me. "Kairi! I'm glad you're okay!"

"Ya. We though you'd drowned as well," Wakka says, supporting me before I sank to my knees. "Everyone's looking for you."

"For me?" I manage weakly. Tidus just nods and looks out to the water.

"Riku's, Sora's, and your boats were missing. Your raft disappeared too," he tells me. "We thought you'd all gone and actually went through with your plans to see other worlds."

"We did!" I tell them. "There were all these shadows and they covered the island and everything!"

"You must have hit your head, Kairi," Wakka says, shaking his head. "There was a storm. All three of you have been missing for the past few days. It's a miracle we've found you alive at all."

I sit there for a moment, letting his words sink in. What had happened? Maybe the boys could convince them. "Riku and Sora!" I say. "Where are they?"

All three of them are silent, looking at the floor. "We haven't found their bodies," Selphie says quietly. "We were hoping you could tell us what happened."

I sit down again, pulling away from Wakka. "They aren't here? I know they're alive," I tell them. "Sora saved me from the heartless and Riku's in Kingdom Hearts. They're alive and coming back. I know it."

"You're just delusional right now," Tidus says. "There's no such thing as heartless. We have no idea what you're talking about."

"But it's true!" I say, my head down as I dig my fingers into the sand. "It has to be." I sit there and sob as Selphie wraps a blanket around my shoulders.

"There, there," she coos motherly. To Tidus, she says, "Go get the rescuers. She needs to get to the hospital."

Wakka gets up as he looks down the beach. "I'm going to check down there a little further. Maybe the other two have washed up as well."

Selphie nods, holding my shoulders as I cover my face in my hands and cry. What was going on? I no longer knew.

Chapter 3

Even in a crowded room I feel out of place. The common room is where they expect me to socialize and is the only place all the patients are allowed to be together. Still, I sit on the floor against the wall, absently folding a paper crane. In my mind, I imagine it coming to life large enough that it can carry me out of here.

"That's pretty Kairi," an attendant says with a smile that reminds me of airplane stewardesses . "You're very creative." I crumble the bird in one fist, looking down. People like her make me sick. They always act as if everything is all sweet and sugar coated. I am pleased as I notice her smile fade as she watches me destroy my creation.

"It's okay. You can start again if you want to." She says as if I had wrapped my hand around the figure and squeezed the life out of it accidentally.

"I don't," I say shortly. She looks startled. I've received a reputation for rarely speaking, and when I do, it is usually to yell.

"Well, do you want to paint?" I shake my head, hugging my knees to my chest. That is the third time she's asked me that today. I really wish they didn't assign people to be "buddies" to the patients. My "buddy" seems to be the one who really needs to be in my place. The blond ball of fluff seems to have less brains than the man who believes he is a dog. Before she can ask another question, I am saved by the same dog-man who apparently is trying to mark a corner as if it is a fire hydrant.

Once she leaves, I slowly unfold the crumpled bird and looks at the paper. It is a drawing of the island I did, black and white. One thing about being alone all day is that I have a lot of time to practice drawing. It is a picture I drew in my first week, showing the waterfall and the dock as seen from the papou tree.

Looking at it, I wonder if I'd ever be allowed to return to the beach. The asylum is situated far inland and I doubt it. Most likely I'll be in here for the rest of my life, eventually actually going crazy and becoming one of the other mental patients around here.

"Kairi, you have visitors," someone tells me. I look up, hastily stuffing the drawing back in her pocket. Who could it be? Not even my parents have dropped by. They're too busy with their own lives. Of all the people who I thought would've supported my story, they haven't. They don't tell me where we lived before moving here even when I say I already know we came from Hollow Bastion. Are they hiding something?

"Kairi, it's time to go to the visitor's room now," a man says. Taking my arm, he makes me stand, though I shuffle my feet as I am lead out of the room.

Coming into a sunny looking room, I blink from the brightness, unused to seeing outside. The room has a window with pale blue curtains, the walls a soft blue as well. There is a table and chairs in the middle of the room, though sofas and couches line the wall. They must have this room so visitors don't see what it is really like in the rest of the asylum.

Leading me to a chair, the man beckons me to sit while he goes to another door and opens it to admit three people.

"Kairi!" a familiar voice squeals. It is Selphie. Tidus and Wakka stand behind me. They each come and wrap their arms around me in a hug, though I can tell they are a little afraid. The man watches the show of affection they bring and smiles before leaving. We are alone.

"Hey," Tidus greets, taking a seat in one of the chairs opposite of the table. Wakka and Selphie does the same.

"Hello," I say softly, unused to this. It has been a while since I've talked to people who weren't trying to make me take medication or wasn't crazy. Silence drifts around the room as I watch them shift in their seats. They are wary of me. They must believe I really am a bit insane.

"So," Selphie tries cheerfully, "What have you been up to all this time?" I don't answer. "Okay," she says slowly. She can see it is a bad question. "Well, we all miss you back home."

"Ya," Wakka agrees. "It's been strange without you there." He doesn't mention Sora and Riku.

"Very boring," Tidus nods. He always did find everything not exciting enough.

"Boring?" Selphie laughs. "He's barely around anymore. Too busy hanging around with the new girl Yuna," she teases. "They're the sweetest couple ever."

"We're just friends!" the blond boy protests, his cheeks turning red. "She just showed up in class and I offered to show her around!"

I smile a little. They seem to be easing up a bit, Selphie and Tidus beginning one of their usual arguments.

"Very cute, that girl," Wakka says then sings, "Tidus and Yuna, kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N…ow!" Tidus has slapped him on the arm. It is nice to see that some things haven't changed.

"Sounds better than here," I say bitterly, envying their freedom. "I'm not crazy, and nobody believes me."

"Oh, Kairi, we believe you," Selphie says. Do I trust her? "We've been trying to convince people that as hard to believe your story is, it must be true."

I watch her carefully, unsure if she is just saying this to make me feel better or if it is true. "Then get me out of here," I ask. "I don't belong here. I want to go home."

"All of us want you home, girl," Wakka assures me. "And you can too. All you have to do is stop telling stories."

"I'm not telling stories!" I yell, standing up abruptly. So they do think I'm lying. Disappointed, I turn my back at them. "And I thought you guys believed me."

"Kairi…" Tidus says, but I cut him off.

"No more Kairi. Kairi doesn't exist. To me, you don't exist." I am close to crying with rage, though I am out of tears from all the other past times I've wept. They don't deserve my tears.

"We have to get her out of here," I here Selphie whisper as if I wasn't there.

"Ya, man. If she wasn't crazy, she is now. This place is driving her insane," Wakka says. That is the first time I've agreed with anything one of them has said.

"Don't worry Kairi," Tidus comes behind me and comforts me, a hand on my shoulder. "Everything will be alright." He's always been like a brother to me, almost as close as Sora and Riku. All of them have felt like siblings, but now, they feel like I don't know them. Complete strangers.

"It doesn't seem like that," I say softly. I don't here anything behind me. Turning around, I catch them all looking at the ground ashamed. They're the only friends I have left, and I can't rely on them. They know that and don't look at me.

"Why don't you just go," I tell them coldly. I want them to stay, so I don't have to go back to the white halls and I have someone to talk to, but I see they are uncomfortable.

They don't say a word as they get up, turning toward the exit. I don't look them in the eyes. One by one they each take a last sorrowful look at me, as if pitying me. Last to leave is Selphie.

"We'll get you out of here," she whispers then walks out. The door closes with a soft click and I am alone again.

I stand there silently, my eyes burning from lack of tears. Everyone leaves. Immediately I regret sending them away, but I know there is no way they can stay. I just want to sink into the floor and disappear.

The other door behind me opens as the attendant enters once more. "Wasn't that visit nice?" he says, obviously not having heard the conversation. Once again my quietness returns.

"Do you want to go back to the common room now?" he asks. I shake my head, for once wanting to actually be by myself for once.

Leading me back to my quarters, he shuts me in, leaving me sitting on my bed. I stare at the blank wall, my anger and pain simmering inside of me. What did my friends know anyways? They're not the one locked up.

Frustrated, I get up, grabbing the chair. I bash it against the glass door. The surface spider webs across the reinforced glass. Even the walls are against me. I continue bashing, cursing Wakka. Cursing Tidus and Selphie. Cursing my parents and the staff. I even curse Sora and Riku.

Men come running to the my door as I finally let out the tears I've held in pour out. I sob, sinking to my knees as someone grabs the chair away. A needle pierces my arm, but I no longer care. I welcome the drug to let me drift from my pain.

Strong arms pick me up, carrying me out. I am moved to another room until they can repair the door. Sobbing as I am strapped down, my cry softens as my mind numbs. Slowly, I fall into the black abyss of the drug, one darker than heartless. There, even the pain of my wounded heart ebbs away as it numbs from all my sadness.


	4. Green tiles

_The police keep questioning me, about how well I know them, where did they like to spend their free time, whether they did drugs or have any enemies. They stop listening to my story as soon as I mention shadows or monsters or heartless. Already I've been put through an MRI to see if I have a concussion, and they are awaiting the results to see if I have a concussion. The x-rays from a little earlier lie forgotten on the nightstand._

My mother sits in a chair by the window, sleeping. She is oblivious of all the commotion. She doesn't even ask if I am fine. My father stands in the hall talking to the police and the doctor. They discuss my condition, whether I am well or not.

"Kairi, calm down," Selphie tells me, putting a hand on my arm as I ask for the fifth time if they'll finally listen to me. "People are still searching. Tidus and Wakka too. Don't worry, they'll find them."

I know they won't. They aren't in our world. "But they aren't on De-" I say, sitting up before getting cut off as Selphie puts a finger up. She places a hand on my shoulder and pushes me back down.

"Just rest right now," she tells me. "You can tell us what happened when you're feeling better." I give up, letting her fix my blankets. It somewhat annoys me how she's playing mother right now. Except for the police, no one will ask my opinion. They are too convinced that I am weak, unable to speak for myself.

Tidus and Wakka come in, something cradled in Tidus's arm. Wakka looks grim, not saying a word as they approach my bed.

"Kairi, we found this," Tidus says, handing over the bundle. It is cloth, bundled and worn. "Looks familiar? We thought you might know what it is. The drawing looked like something you'd draw."

I sit up before Selphie can tell me to rest again, unfolding their find. It is the white, tattered sail of the Highwind, the raft. The small thylassa shell I drew in the corner for luck is faded but recognizable. This is unmistakably the sail. The sail is torn, as if it had been ripped right off the mast.

"The raft," I say softly, stroking the material. "It must not have survived the storm." I remember all the time we took on making our vessel. Sora had stolen one of his mother's best sheets for the sail.

"Raft?" Wakka asks, confused.

"Yes," I reply, a tear sliding down my cheek as I mourn the loss of our hard work. "We made it so we could explore other worlds. We never told you guys." Tidus looks offended for a moment before remembering the situation.

"Take that filthy thing out of here," a nurse scolds, bustling in to grab out of my lap before I can protest.

"We'll take that ma'am," an officer says, startling us. We all look up as the nurse obeys and leaves. To us, he explains, "For evidence. This raft you mention. Did you set off in it and get caught in the storm?"

"No!" I yell. "I've already explained it! We never left the island by boat! The boats got washed away! So did other people's if you want proof! There was a black void and-" The officer looks startled for a moment as Selphie lunges to push me back down against the pillows.

"Sorry sir," she apologizes. "She's been through a lot. Now isn't a good time to ask her questions." Before I can say something, she sticks a thermometer under my tongue. Wakka ushers the man out and Tidus follows. Their voices fade off as they disappear down the hall.

Taking out the thermometer, I toss it across the room, pulling my blanket over me as I turn away from her. She doesn't understand how frustrated I am.

"Sleep for now, alright?" she tells me, closing the light as she leaves the room. I am pitched into darkness, only a faint light peeking in from under the door. Alone except for my mother's soft snores. Even after all the noise, she sleeps, unable to listen to me. No one will listen to me. They won't take the time.

"Nobody," I whisper, wiping a tear away only to find more running down my face and soaking my pillow. "Nobody." As sleep beckons, that one word echoes in my head until even it fades off like an old dream.

Chapter 4

Pale, ugly green tiles loom up at me as I scrub bathroom floors as punishment for my loss of temper. My knees ache as I dunk my sponge into the soapy bucket, the smell of old urine overwhelming. I am suddenly grateful my parents opted to pay more so I could have a small private bathroom in my room.

"Pass the bucket, will you?" says a black haired girl, her long locks tied back with a scarf. "Hey you, are you deaf?"

I ignore the girl, not bothering to look up. She's reputed as a troublemaker, constantly punished. Scrubbing bathroom floors doesn't seem new to her.

Irritated, she stands up, placing her foot on my sponge perilously close to my hand. I turn my stare upward, my gaze cold. "What do you want," I say, my tone frigid.

"Calm down," she says defensively, putting up her hands. "I just wanted the bucket."

"Anna! Kairi! You two, back to work!" scolds the lady supervising from a chair by the door. "You're being punished, so no socializing!" Forgetting us once more, she returns to flipping through her fashion magazine, chewing bubble gum. The other girl grudgingly takes the bucket and returns to her spot.

Silence hangs in the air save for the popping of bubbles and the shuffle of pages. I can see why she's chosen a fashion magazine. The lady needs much help with her makeup, looking a little like a clown.

"So, what are you in here for?" a voice whispers. I look up, unsure of the question.

"Huh?"

"What did you get in trouble for?" Anna says. A smirk hangs on her face as if she enjoys the thought of mischief..

"Oh," I say, as if it all makes sense now. "I lost my temper and smashed my door." I'm not exactly proud of it, but I don't regret doing it. "And you?"

"Broke some guy's arm," she replies proudly. I look startled. Who exactly is this girl? "It was just one of the other resident psycho's here," she says as if that excuses it all. "A nut who tries to exorcist everyone's inner demon in the name of the Lord. I guess my 'inner demon' was too much for him to handle."

She scares me a little. Why isn't she in the dangerous patients ward confined in a straight jacket? She flashes her feral grin again and tells me, "Don't worry. You seem okay." I relax a little, but not that much.

"Back to work, little ingrates!" the lady snaps again, standing over us as if trying to listen to our conversation. She kicks my sponge away with an evil sneer. I quickly resume scrubbing, quiet again for a moment.

"Do you always get in trouble?" I ask curiously, whispering.

"Yeah, though it doesn't seem like you do too often," she says. I don't say anything else, knowing it's true. Even in school I never was chastised. This is the first time I've ever been disciplined.

Anna breaks the silence this time as she says without looking up, "You know, you're not that bad. You don't seem as insane as the others." I'm not sure to take this as an insult or a compliment.

"You actually seem normal. I don't picture you as crazy. What are you here for?" she says. I am quiet for a while. Do I want to tell her my story?

"I'm not crazy," I say. "All I did was tell the truth on how my two friends disappeared one day and nobody believes me. They think I've been traumatized and is going crazy because of it."

"I see," she nods. I am amazed. She's the first person who seems to believe every word and not just agree to make me feel better. She doesn't even pry, just listens. I almost feel a friendly bond with her. "So how about you?" I inquire?

"Don't ask," she says, her smile vanishing. The bond of friendship is gone. Neither of us says anything as we work.

The task is tedious, the motions making my arms hurt. Soap stings in a blister on my hand from the work. The work seems to drag on, never ending. It is like the days here, one square tile after another, sometimes appearing different but still much the same as the others.

The light pouring in from a vent near the ceiling dims as the afternoon passes. Soon, it is too dark to see, even with the single dingy bulb dangling above. I can barely make out the ground in shadowed areas, and my hand aches, the sponge worn down from a day of scrubbing at rough grout.

"You two can finish tomorrow," the lady finally says. It almost seems too good to be true as I just kneel there for a moment in disbelief while Anna rises and collects my sponge and the bucket.

"Come on, we're free," she tells me. Scrubbing the floor is so mind numbing that I almost expect the attendant's sharp voice commanding them back to work. For a moment, I misunderstand and believe I'm finally allowed to leave this wretched asylum, but a second later I realize it's only the bathroom. I'm not truly free. And we still have to return for tomorrow. The results of a tiring day keeps me from thinking straight.

I rise on shaky legs as Anna helps me up, holding my elbow. "Thanks," I mumble, shuffling toward the door. My clothes are damp from the water, but the cold is welcoming on my throbbing muscles, numbing them.

I follow Anna to a closet where she pours the water down a sink, handing me a sponge as she begins rinsing the other. Doing the same, I can't help imagining the sound of the running water relaxing. After scrubbing, anything besides popping, page flipping, and the dull shuffling of sponges as they scour the floor sounds relaxing.

A shadow blocks the light from hallway as we turn around. It is an attendant, the one called James.

"Kairi, let's go back now," he calls. Anna gives me a strange look. Apparently she didn't expect me to be one of the "special cases," the ones who are constantly confined to their rooms unless an attendant is present.

"See you tomorrow," she says in a somewhat unbelieving voice. I give her the faintest of smiles, one that can barely be noticed. It was nice talking to someone who treated me normally, but it didn't last. Couldn't last. Nothing nice lasted. Why my parents requested the special treatment for me, I don't know. I'd rather have the company of other patients instead of being alone.

As I am left in my room, I pick at my dinner, mashed potatoes and meatloaf. It hits me how cruel life must be to let me have a small bit of companionship only to have it ripped away so I can return to my colorless world.

The food grows cold as I prod at it with my fork, my appetite gone despite all the had work I've done today. Eating alone depletes your appetite. Even the staff here are suspecting I am becoming anorexic.

Putting down the fork, I can't stomach another bite, lying on my bed and facing the wall, my back turned to everything else. Mary enters to collect my tray, clucking her tongue at the sight of my full plate.

"You have to eat more, my dear," she says in what she believes is a motherly voice. She thinks it makes the patients respect her like a mother. She reminds me more of a mother pig.

I don't say anything, keeping my back toward her. I pretend to be asleep. Mary sighs. "We're going to have to start pumping you full of nutrients if you don't eat," she says, knowing I am only faking. "And I don't think you'll like that too much."

As soon as she leaves, I sit up, resisting the urge to throw a pillow at the door as she retreats. I'd rather be alone than in a room with her. After a moment, though, I regret that decision. At night, I feel abandoned more than ever, not having even the sight of people passing my door to keep me occupied.

I look out the repaired glass on my door. Patients are returning to their rooms for the day. Workers are going home. Soon there are no longer people passing my door. Only an occasional glimpse of a janitor. The faint bustling from the halls is no more. I feel depressed and alone once more. No one looks at me anyways, though I always hear them whispering to each other behind my back.

"The poor girl," I hear. "Her mind was an awful thing to lose. Such a tragedy."

I think about the first normal conversation I've had in a long time, the talk with Anna. Though I've only met her once, she's the only one who seems to understand me, to see me as equal.

Lying back, I wonder how I am willing to be scrubbing floors than spending the day in my room doing nothing as long as I can talk to someone. I am that desperate. Holding the thought, I almost welcome tomorrow and finishing my punishment if I get to spend at least one minute feeling normal and understood.

Closing my eyes, I let slumber overtake me as I grasp the hope that perhaps I might not be as lonely as I thought.

****

Author's notes:

Okay, I had a friend request that I actually start putting these, so I guess I'll take the time. Thanks for the reviews I've been getting. I didn't actually expect anyone to like the story since it's the first thing I've ever written.

Yes, I know this fourth chapter has taken a bit longer than the others, but those I just had a lot of free time. I'm going to try to at least update once a week but not more than twice a week. It's just too stressful if I'm completely obsessed over it. I have a life you know!

Nanashi: It's been kindergarten since anyone called me chit chat. You're the only one who still does it! And no, it's not actually crossed with Final Fantasy. I just put the Yuna thing in the last chapter for fun.

I'm not sure if I plan to make it much happier in the future. I have to admit that of all the chapters, I hate this one the most. The ending just doesn't feel right, but I couldn't think of anything else. If anyone has suggestions or other comments, feel free to e-mail me at DrkShadowKittihotmail.com and I'll be more than happy to reply. And yes, this is the first time I've added anything for Author's notes, so I'm ranting a lot now, but feel free to flame if you don't like me adding them!


	5. Broken Doll

__

"So, Kairi," my mother asks in the car. "Are you feeling better now?" I nod, staring out the window. She notices my silence and ends the conversation. I am coming home from the hospital.

Destiny Island doesn't look different, the same sandy beaches, the same blue ocean with the waves crashing along the shore, the same sky. It looks like perfection. Nothing mars its appearance to even hint that not long ago it was cast in shadow when my life changed. The people on the island are oblivious to anything that had happened. It was as if they were all frozen in time and believe the only that had passed was a storm.

"Kairi!" yells a voice outside my window. Selphie waves as Tidus runs along the sidewalk trying to keep up with the vehicle. Wakka stands on a peer, laughing and shaking his head. He always seemed to think he was too mature for us all.

I smile weakly, seeing their efforts to welcome me back. It is more to show than my true feelings. Inside, I am torn apart, worrying for Sora and Riku and restraining my story to myself. I've learned in the hospital that some things are better left unsaid, but the truth tugs at my conscience, pushing to be let out. Part of me hopes that it was all a bad dream, that I'll wake up on the beach with the boys working on the raft, but I know it was real. I will give it some time before I try to convince people the truth once more.

My mother pulls into the driveway and my father opens the door. We are home. Blinking at the sudden sunlight as I step out, my father takes my suitcase from me.

"Welcome home, my rose," Father says, handing me a bouquet of my nickname. The blooms are blood red, beautiful, but some of the buds are closed tight. It will be a couple of days before they open. I can't help thinking that they are like me, clasped in denial of my tale, though soon it will all leak out of me.

"Thank you," I say with a small forced smile. My parents take no notice in my lack of enthusiasm. Laughing, they usher me into the house where my mother takes the flowers to be put in a vase.

"I'll help you unpack, Kairi," my father says, heading up the stairs. I follow, looking around at my home. Like the island, it doesn't seem different. Even my home won't help me prove my story.

The door to my room opens and I am washed in pale blues, lavenders, and pinks. I stand wide-eyed, unable to say anything.

"Do you like it dear?" my father asks, placing my suitcase on my bed, now covered in a pale purple comforter. "Your mother and I remodeled your room while you were in the hospital. Just to cheer you up."

I walk in wordlessly, brushing my hand on the pale walls. My favorite colors. They did this for me?

"Yes," I say, unsure if I like it or hate it. It's so pretty and light-hearted, almost babyish, to take my mind off of things, to forget Sora and Riku. But my parents have tried so hard. They don't show sentimental feelings too often, so this is very big for them.

"I'll leave you to your new room," my father says, forgetting about helping me unpack. Leaving, he shuts the door, and I am left alone to explore my new space.

Sitting in the window seat now decorated with sheer lavender curtain, I stare out onto the beach. I am wrong. There is something different. My best friends in the world aren't there. Everyone seems to have forgotten them, but I haven't.

Getting up, I walk to my bureau to refresh my memories of them. To my horror, the pictures in their handmade frames are gone, replaced by stuffed animals and a porcelain doll with a grotesque smile. My parents have made the room more babyish that I've thought. The doll smiles at me wickedly as if hiding a secret. Hiding where my pictures are. My friends.

"Mom! Dad!" I yell, fleeing from my room. They are busy preparing lunch. Standing at the kitchen door, I am close to crying. "Where are my pictures," I demand. They look at each other as if unsure of what to say. "Where are they!" I yell again.

"They're in a box in the basement, honey," Mother finally says. "We didn't want to upset you with reminders of those two."

"Besides," my father adds. "We always did feel that you should hang out with a better group of friends. I am not there to hear his explanation, already running to the basement.

The dank, musty room is dimly lit from a single dusty bulb as I hurry down the old wooden stairs, ignoring the splinters shoving their way into my flesh from the aged banister. One thing is in my mind: to recover the pictures.

My parents appear at the door, speechless as they watch me furiously search through the boxes holding my old room. They are confused by my actions. I've never been very aggressive, but now I'm ripping through things as if those pictures are my life. In a way, they are.

Finally lifting the cover of one cardboard box, I am greeted with the friendly smiling faces of Sora, Riku, and me, a happy moment captured in a flash forever. Hugging the picture to my chest, I discover that they are all there, everyone of them.

"Kairi dear," my mother begins, but I ignore her. Instead, I replace the picture, and pick up the box, unaware of the weight. My father moves to help me, but I shrug him off.

Carrying my beloved memories back to my room, I toss to stuffed animals and the evil doll to the floor, carefully replacing the frames. My parents don't say a word as they stand at the door and watch me. Each picture I carefully wipe of dust and set it in place.

"Kairi," my mother says sadly, but she knows there is nothing she can do. Wordlessly, she picks up the porcelain doll and brushes back its blond curls. In her hand she fingers a small chip, broken off the cheek when I threw it. To her, that is me, a broken doll. With a glance at my father, they both turn around to leave me to my work.

Chapter 5

My shaking knees throb, not even recovered from the day before as I return to scrubbing. I thought the last bathroom was unsanitary, but it doesn't come close to the one assigned today. Once again Anna is alongside of me, completing the task diligently. Today's attendant is an overweight man, reclined in a metal folding chair that threatens to collapse with his bulk.

Anna hasn't said a word to me yet, though she seems to have forgotten about my inquiry yesterday. She just pretends I am obsolete, as if she had never complimented me about not being as insane as the other patients.

Yearning for a conversation, I glance at the attendant. "Is he dead or just asleep?" I ask Anna, genuinely concerned. He hasn't moved since he set us to work. His sunglasses perched on his bloated face prevents me to tell by his eyes.

"Probably just faking it," Anna replies. So she does remember me. I shrug, returning to my task for a moment. A few minutes later, I kneel up again.

"Are you sure? Maybe we should check," I suggest. "We don't want to be blamed for murder if he's dead." I am curious on whether he's still breathing, but there are other things I have planned.

"Go take a look if you want," she says, though now she's sitting up too. Hoping she gets my intentions, I crawl over, careful not to drip water from my hands as I peer under his glasses. His massive body shakes as he mutters something incoherent, though he doesn't wake. Anna's eyes glint as she sees the opportunity

"You know, we should tell someone just in case," she says. I smile. She's picked up on it. "Let's go." Together, we edge toward the door, watching the man intently. Slipping out, we are in the halls, free to roam.

"Didn't know you had it in you," Anna smirks, punching my arm lightly. I give a rare genuine smile. She reminds me a little of my friends. Especially the time Sora convinced me to sneak out of class in first grade to spy on Riku, who was on a field trip with his second grade class.

Glancing around at the white halls, I realize this is my first time without an attendant. "I'm a special case, remember?" I say. "I'd do anything for a little time without an attendant." Anna laughs, taking my arm as she leads me down the hall.

"Then I'll give you a tour," she says. "By the way, why are you an SC?" I look confused for a moment. "A special case," she explains. "Why are you one? It's usually for the non-violent patients who can't socialize well. And you socialize as well as a normal person."

I shrug, wondering the same thing. "I think my parents cared for me enough that they didn't want me to be with other patients but not enough to just keep me at home and send me to a regular psychiatrist." Why did they ever have me isolated? Was it so people can keep an eye on me at all times? Were they hiding something?

"Bummer," Anna says, stopping at one door. "At least you have parents. Mine are dead to me." I don't say anything for a moment, unsure of how to respond.

"I'm sorry," I try.

"It's okay, I usually just forget about them," she says. Opening the door, I see a room similar to mine except with two beds and a closet. I haven't seen anyone else's room before. I've just always assumed everyone was treated just like me.

"Well, this is my room," Anna shows, waving a hand around. I look at her confused.

"Why two beds?" I ask. It didn't make sense.

"Oh, that's my roommate's," she explains. My heart twists with envy. Why could some people have roommates? Knowing there are others less lonely tortures me. I have a room of my own, cut off from everybody. Just walking in the halls is taboo. Why didn't I have the same privileges as Anna?

"Cady never talks or looks at anyone," Anna continues, oblivious to my pained expression. Even a silent companion was still company. She didn't know how hard it was for me.

"Think you can show me some other places?" I interrupt in the middle of her rant about how her roommate was always talking to herself and in her own little world. The sooner I change the subject, the sooner we can leave her room and I can forget about ever being in here.

"Sure," Anna replies, looking a little confused. I don't care. As long as we're leaving. "So where did you want to go?" I shrug. I haven't thought that far ahead.

"Anywhere, I guess," I say. Already the feeling of jealousy and loneliness creeps back from where I pushed it. She nods in understanding, heading out the door. As soon as I step over the threshold, the feeling fades until it is nothing but a small ghost that lingers in the back of my heart.

The few patients wandering the halls barely give us a fleeting glance. So far, no attendants have passed by. I relax a little. Most of them know me, and I'm not ready to be brought back.

"This is the common room, or the recreation room as some call it," Anna says, peering through the window on a door. "The rec room, though most of us patients call it the Wreck Room instead." I smile, seeing the name fit. Everyone inside seems to be doing odd things while the attendants scramble to avoid chaos.

"I've been here before," I tell her.

"Everyone has, so I guess we should move on now," she tells me. I take a last glance in the window, withdrawing my head as one boy looks toward the door.

The tour continues for another half an hour. Anna shows me the cafeteria, the psychiatrists' hall, the room used in group discussions when the doctors try to get patients together to talk of their problems, and the kitchen, the doors locked in case a patient attempted to acquire a knife.

"So this place is bigger than I thought," I comment, still amazed at what is beyond the walls of my room. The vastness of the place is alluring in a way, the same way Sora, Riku, and I craved to see what else was there besides Destiny Islands, though creepier the more that I know about it. I want to explore some more, but at the same time I don't know what to expect anymore. There could be anything in here. I already learned the hard way what things can hide in the unknown.

Anna opens her mouth to answer, but a beeping sounds over the PA system followed by a voice. "ALL STAFF BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR PATIENTS 113 AND 629, KAIRI AND ANNA.

"Shit," Anna swears under her breath. "Looks like the fat guy woke up." I look frightened for a moment. Ignoring my reaction, Anna grabs my wrist and takes off in a run, dragging me behind her.

"Where are we going?" I ask between gasps. They'll eventually catch us anyways. What's the point of running? "We can't escape. We should go back."

"Why make it easy on them? We deserve a little fun," she calls, rounding a corner abruptly. I throw out a hand to keep crashing into the corner. What is she thinking?

The halls blur together and I no longer know where we are. All I hear is the rhythmic pounding of our feet as we make our way around the building. Along the way she ducks security cameras, pulling me with her.

"Let's just go back," I pant, out of breath. It's been a while since I've been allowed to do anything active. My heart pounds, straining with fatigue.

"And why should we? We can't make it easy. It's just like surrendering to them, and we can't give up without a fight," Anna demands. "We're both not crazy, or so I thought you are. Why do you want to go back?"

"Because!" I say loudly, tugging hard as I stop. "You can't run. I learned that the hard way. It's impossible to stay away forever. Sooner or later they'll catch us." Anna stops to look at me, confusion crossing her face. "Running has never helped me. And neither is fighting. You can only give in." I couldn't avoid telling the truth, and demanding that I wasn't crazy hasn't help. I don't want to succumb to everybody's judgment, but I know I can't do anything about it."

"You're just being weak," Anna accuses. "How do you know fighting won't eventually help if you stop?" I don't say a thing. She is right, but so am I. What do I listen to?

Shadows loom over us as we turn around just as strong arms wrap around us, restraining us. "There you two trouble makers are," says a familiar voice. Why does Mary have to always be around? "You two shouldn't be running around. It's not safe."

Anna kicks and struggles, though the hold on her arms don't lessen. The man behind her seems annoyed for a moment, looking tempted to shoot her with sedatives soon. I don't do anything, ignoring the look of betrayal from Anna. I still need to think about what she had said.

"You two are both getting an extra week of punishment," Mary continues, looking smug. She looks pleased about catching us. "But this time, you won't be put together. Can't have you plotting any more trouble, can we?"

I almost kick her for this. Instead, I look down, hiding my anger. She's taking away something else of mine. I've just found someone to talk to, and she rips my companion away, shoving me back into loneliness deeper than ever. It is harder after what I've needed is waved in my face and pulled away again.

"Besides, Kairi," Mary says, waving a hand down the hall. "You're late for your appointment with Dr. Mason." At the name, Anna stops her struggles.

"You're one of Mason's patients?" she blurts out, but Mary shushes her.

"No time to chat, you naughty girl. Honestly, Kairi, you need to be careful of who you socialize with. The man restraining me shoves me to walk and I obey, confused at Anna's reaction. Was there something wrong with Dr. Mason?

As I am led away, I hear Mary behind me ordering, "Anna, you need a time out. Matt, take her back to her room, will you?"

I ponder about the possibilities of Anna's outburst as I head toward the doctor's office. I know there are quite a few psychiatrists around. Do they each specialize in something? And what does Dr. Mason specialize in?

"In here, kid," the attendant behind me says, pushing me into the office. I sit on the couch where I sat last time.

"My notebook," I remember. "I'm supposed to bring it." The man sighs, pulling out a walkie talkie. Muttering a few words into it as he calls someone to retrieve it from my room, he nods. I relax a bit, planning to doodle while the doctor talks. If she doesn't do anything, why should I? Still, I wonder how I was assigned to her. Maybe I will ask when she arrives.

Author's Notes: Not much for me to say. Um…thanks for the reviews I've been getting. They've been very encouraging. Oh, well. I've got time to waste.

So, I hope the chapters have been meeting expectations. Tell me if I start drifting a little. Criticism is greatly needed, because I'd like to know what I need to work on. Maybe if I write another story it won't be in first person POV, or do more people prefer it? I need to think about it.

Darn, I don't know what else to write. Maybe I'll write more next time. Or go ahead ask questions, any questions, with your reviews and I'll try to answer some of them here. I have way too much free time this summer…


	6. Unwanted Memories

__

My parents look at me different now, like they don't recognize me anymore. They wonder what really happened during the few days I was missing. When I walk into a room, worry crosses their face. I ask them about it but they say it is nothing. Are they keeping something from me?

I sit in my room, curled up in the window seat with a pillow in my arms. It is hard to return to normal life. I haven't had the time yet to visit Sora and Riku's families. They've sent flowers, but they don't call. I think they partially blame me for their disappearances. But it's not my fault, is it?

The sun lingers just above the horizon, casting an orange-red glow across the morning sky. I haven't slept much lately. This is the third night in the row I've stayed up. Nightmares haunt my dreams about the dark place I was trapped in and I keep seeing their faces. Sora promised they'd return. Where is he now?

I bury my face in the pillow as if I can sink into its soft surface, cushioned and protected from what is going on. It is all confusing right now. I don't know what to think or believe anymore.

A knock interrupts my thoughts as I shift from my cramped position, looking at the door. My mother enters without me giving permission and sits next to me.

"Kairi, my dear. It's time for your first day back to school," she tells me, stroking my hair, the same reddish brown as hers. "Maybe going back to a normal routine will help you feel better."

"It feels weird," I say, trying pull away. Instead, she grabs a brush sitting on my desk, sliding it through my hair motherly.

"Now, now," she comforts me softly. "It'll be fine. You've been to school before without…well, you know." I know who she almost mentions. She and my father have avoided talking about them, though they've stopped trying to convince me to remove their pictures and move on.

Placing the comb on my lap where I let it fall to the floor carelessly, she crosses my room to my closet, pulling out my favorite outfit. "You'll return to school looking as beautiful as ever," Mother says, dusting off the purple skirt. She doesn't realize it is identical to the outfit I had on when the door between the worlds opened. I look at it sadly, the memories and worries flooding back.

Oblivious at my reaction, she places it on the window seat next to me and leaves the room. Peeking in her head in before she closes the door, she gives me a sad smile that she doesn't think I see. She feels sorry for me. Doesn't everybody? It's getting tiring and all I want is to be left alone. No more 'Poor Kairi' or 'Such a pity.'

Dressing slowly, I look in the mirror, shocked at what I see. It is the same girl as always, yet still different. My reflection shows me, but I seem older, my eyes sadder. The adventure has really changed me. I wonder if everyone else also sees the change.

"There you are, princess," my father greets as I descend the stairs. I cringe at the word. Me being a princess is one of things that caused all this to happen.

"Don't call me princess," I request softly. My father looks worried for a moment but nods. A part of me wonders if they understand, but that feeling disappears as my mother directs me to a chair.

"Eggs or waffles, honey?" she asked. She's never made breakfast for me before, always too busy. She must be trying extra hard now to cheer me up.

"Just toast will be fine," I answer, sipping at orange juice. It is fresh squeezed. Why are they trying so hard suddenly? I've never seen my mother cook, never thought it was possible. And my father idly drinking coffee while reading the paper? It all seems too perfect. They must be trying very hard to make me forget, though it isn't working.

"Actually, I'll walk," I say, getting up from the table. I don't want to be around their falseness any longer. My mother looks reluctant to let me go, but my father gives her a look and she nods. Grabbing my backpack, I head out the door.

Though I am dressed the same as ever, people stare at me. The news of the incident has spread throughout the island. I stare at the ground, trudging along to school when three shadows join me.

"Ready for school?" Selphie asks, her happiness almost oozing. I envy her, always so carefree. Tidus and Wakka are right behind her, arguing something about a duel. With the way Wakka carries his beloved blitz ball under his arm, I have a feeling the conversation is off a duel between them. Most likely who won.

"Is everyone talking about me?" I reply, avoiding her question as a middle-aged couple pass us. The woman stares at me for a moment before whispering to her husband.

"Just ignore them," she answers, glaring at them. She doesn't answer my inquiry and I know it's true.

"Sure miss them," Tidus sighs before Wakka hits him. It is clear who he's talking about. Everyone's talking about them now as if they really are dead. Do I tell them all?

"You three go ahead," I say, stopping suddenly. "I left something at home." Hopefully they understand my hidden intentions to be alone.

"Are you sure?" Selphie asks, sounding more motherly than my mother. "We'll be happy to walk with you to school." I shake my head. The three of them looks at each other, unsure of my decision.

"Go on," I tell them, giving a well practiced fake smile. Lately, I've had to force a lot of smiles and I've gotten good at them. Looking at me one more time, they slowly walk off, leaving me standing there. Turning, I head the opposite way. Instead of returning home, I let my feet guide me. I find myself in the secret place.

The place looks no different from before except for the absence of the door. Only the designs and shape of it remain, carved into the rock as if by hand. I toss my back pack in the corner, walking slowly to where the door was. Reaching out, my fingers brush the wall, hoping that somehow, I can open it that way. The stone feels cold and lifeless under my hand.

"Open," I plead to the wall. The Princess of Hearts had the power to open Kingdom Hearts. Why couldn't one princess open a single door? "Please, I need to find them." It is tearing me apart to know that I can't be by their side, to help them in any way I can.

Nothing happens, magic or whatever force that controls it ignoring my requests. I fall to my knees, tears sliding down my cheeks. I've kept it up too long, keeping in the secret. I need to tell someone the truth and make them believe. They have it too easy, not here to deal with family and friends. I no longer care about the promise. I am impatient. I want them back here

Sora, find Riku soon and both of you return to me. I know your job is important, but you two always said how important I was. Come back… Pounding on the rock, I ignore the blood dripping from my fist. Pounding, pounding and forgetting everything. Slowly, fatigue overtakes me and I cry myself to sleep.

Chapter 6

"Well, this is all very interesting," Dr. Mason says, flipping though my notebook. I sit quietly with my hands folded in my lap. As she turns the pages, I see glimpses of my writing and sketches I have drawn. "You're a very talented artist, Kairi," she tells me. I think she's just saying that, like when you compliment a preschooler on the marvelous stick figures they draw.

Silence save for the flipping of pages and the hum of the fan overhead fills the room. I debate on how to ask her about how she was assigned to me, but I keep quiet for now.

Dr. Mason skims one of my latest entrees, not looking at me once. "Well, it seems as if your parents were on the right track removing those photos," she says. "You seem to have never gotten over the lost of your friends."

"They're not gone," I tell her, staring at the ground. "They're alive. But no one believes me."

"They're gone, Kairi," she tries to assure me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "They never even found a body." That's because there can't be a body if they're not dead, I think. I don't say it out loud.

Dr. Mason stands, pacing around the room for a moment as if deciding what to do. Occasionally she glances at me, as if recognizing something.

"You know, you remind me a bit of my daughter," she tells me. "A sweet girl, but always getting into trouble too. I heard you've been rampaging around the halls lately." So she did notice why I was late. One of the attendants must have told her.

"Doctor," I say softly, "How did I get assigned to you?" She looks at me surprised. She must not get questions like this much from her patients.

"Because you're special, Kairi," she tells me. "I actually handle patients who hallucinate and patients with mood disorders, or at least the minor ones. The other ones are assigned to one of the other psychiatrists.

So they still think that I hallucinate. No wonder she doesn't listen to me. She must be used to her patients ranting about random stories and learned to ignore them.

I sigh in frustration, accepting my notebook back as she holds it out to me. Immediately I open it to a blank, beginning a sketch of Riku and Sora. In these sessions I am supposed to try and forget them, but I can't. They are all I can think of when I am asked to erase them from my memory.

"Kairi," Dr. Mason says, standing. Walking to her desk, she pulls out a crystal on a chain. "Let's try something new. Now, I don't normally believe in this, but it doesn't hurt to try."

I look up from my drawing to see what she is talking as she approaches the couch. What could she want to try? Light glints off the crystal as she sits in a chair next to me.

"Now, sweetie," she says to me. "Put down your notebook for now. I want you to lie down and try to relax. We're going to try a little hypnosis." I look skeptical, slowly lowering my pen. Hypnosis? I've always thought it was fake, but then again, I never believed it was possible to end up on different worlds. I'd never believed that anything like heartless could be real. But it all had been, so why couldn't hypnosis work? Besides, if Dr. Mason believes that I'll be telling things from the deepest part of my mind, then maybe it will convince her I am telling the truth.

Lying down, I try to relax, hoping that this would work. Maybe there's something I've forgotten myself of what had happened. Perhaps she can uncover the blurred images of when my heart was gone.

"Now watch the crystal. Look into it deeply. Study the flaws and each facet of it," she says softly, releasing the crystal. It begins to swing like a pendulum, light reflecting off of it, flashing once in a while.

"Relax, honey," she continues. I feel my eye lids grow heavy. Is this how it's supposed to feel like. "Don't fight to stay awake. Slip into your subconscious and clear your mind."

A small part of my brain seems to go numb, her voice fading. It sounds far away now. I feel weightless, drifting in a dark void. Unlike the one of the heartless', it is warm and comforting, wrapping around me until I feel bundled up in a blanket of blackness.

Her voice is just a faint whisper in the distance now as what looks like colors appear and swirl in front of my eyes. I barely hear her ask my name to see if I am fully in the trance, and my mouth moves to respond. "I am Kairi," I say in an emotionless tone, my words sounding foreign now. It is as if I am out of my body, deep in my mind.

"Tell me what happened that night they disappeared," Dr. Mason's voice says in my head. To me, it sounds mumbled, but some part of my mind hears and answers.

"A light appeared in my bedroom, a portal," I say, my tone flat and barely above a whisper. "A man stepped out. A small black figure next to him." I remember that night clearly, sitting up in bed and watching out my window as thunder crackled through the sky. It was as if it was forewarning of something sinister.

"Did you recognize the man?" she continues. Again, my voice answers before I can control the answer.

"No. He wore a hood. And the dark figure looked like a bug," I say. I had been terrified, my scream caught in my throat. The yellow eyes on the heartless had watched me hungrily, looking ready to devour my soul.

"Interesting," she mutters. I don't answer anything, my mind sensing it not a question. "Now, let's go deeper," Dr. Mason suggests. "When I snap my fingers, can you go back to that night and tell me everything that happened?"

For a moment, I try to protest, but I am not connected to my mind and body no longer. I thrash in my position against the thick darkness encompassing me. I don't want to return to that night. Please don't make me. My pleas don't reach her and a click is heard. I hear my self gasp as suddenly I'm pulled back to the night the heartless came…

_"Come with me," says the deep voice, the hooded man holding out his hand. I shake my head without a word, pulling my blanket close. My shoes feel uncomfortable on the mattress. I was fully dressed having planned a moment ago to go out and check on the raft. Now, I don't want to leave my room._

"My dear, you are a Princess of Heart," he says, taking a step forward. I cringe and close my eyes as he brushes a cold hand on my cheek. What does he want from me? I look at him, terrified and confused. My voice betrays me as I attempt to call my parents. Then I remember they aren't home anyways. They are away at a dinner. I am alone.

"What do you want," I whisper, close to crying. "What are you doing in my room?" I warily watch the shadow figure circling me, the coldness surrounding it. The fresh rose that I always keep on my dresser is gray, the petals falling. Watching it wilt before my eyes, a shiver runs down my back. It must be a bad omen, warning me that these two are evil.

"You are a key to opening the door," the stranger says. "Do not be afraid. You are special. I have been watching you." I shudder at that thought, wanting more than anything to wake up from this nightmare. How can this be possible?

"Your friend will be with you too," he continues. I notice he says friend. Is it Sora or Riku? What can that mean? Many questions flow into my mind as I look out the window, half expecting one of them to be running up toward my house.  
"Are they with you?" I ask, worried. Strength momentarily flows into my voice as I think about my friends. "Who do you have? What have you done to them?"

"He is fine. He will soon accept the darkness. Just as you will as well." I don't like the sounds of those words. As I open my mouth to ask how, a pain rips through my chest, flowing through my body. The little shadow figure stands on my bed in front of me, a beam of light flowing from me into it.

"It is called a heartless, a shadow to be exact," the stranger says in a cold voice. "Don't fight it. Your heart, your soul will soon be mine. The first I need to open the door."

Fire lances through my body as a scream, feeling the heartless clawing inside my body to take my heart. Why is he doing this? It hurts so much. I can feel myself threatening to pass out with the pain, wanting to get away from it, but I struggle. I don't want to be taken. I have to tell someone.

Slowly I feel myself separating from my body, my heart in the grasp of the shadow heartless. It will be easier for me to succumb to the darkness and let them take me, but I think about my friends. Sora and Riku. In a final struggle using almost all of the strength I have left, I pull away from the heartless's hold just as my heart separates from my body. I now hover near the ceiling, staring at the empty shell that used to be me.

"Now, give me her heart," the stranger orders the shadow. The creature opens its claws to emptiness. This angers the man.

"You lost her?" he yells, an icy cold light surrounding him. Pulling out a sword, he slashes at the defenseless shadow and it dissipates. He glances around the room as I dodge towards the window, invisible.

"I'll find her later," he mutters to himself. "But first, the boy." He seems to be confident that it will be easy to find me. Waving his hand, a portal once again opens, a rip through the air. He scoops up my body as if I weighed nothing. "I can still use her to lure the boy into following my orders," he says, looking at my quiet figure. Stepping through the portal, he disappears.

Scared, I can think of only two people who might be able to help me. But where can they be? I pass through the window, ghostlike as I float above the island. Below me, more of the heartless rampage the island. They are chasing someone. Sora?

I cry out his name, trying to reach for him to help him as he runs toward the island with the paopu tree. There stands Riku. It is the darkness flowing under his feet that attempts to draw me in. I pull away, watching as Sora approaches him. From this distance, I can't here them, but any closer and I will be sucked in.

The dark matter swirls as Riku suddenly sinks under, Sora grasping for him but misses. In that moment a flash surrounds him, something appearing in his hand. More heartless approach him, but my energy is draining. Unable to watch, I flee to the only place I feel safe. The secret place.

Standing in the cave, I feel faint, staring at the door that has appeared. What is it doing here? It has baffled me since I was a child. I look at the carvings on the walls for a long time, running now solid looking fingers across them. By me and my friends. But Riku has been taken now. There is only one other of us who can help now. Brushing my hand along a picture of his face, I here footsteps approaching.

"Kairi!" Sora calls, looking surprised. Worry crosses his face as he sees my weary form. I need to tell him what has happened, but I barely have the strength to stand now.

The door suddenly swings open, but by that time, I am too weak to notice. I can't survive very long without a body.

"Sora…" I whisper, falling. He throws his arms out to catch me, but I pass right through him. I am inside of him now, in his heart. There, sleep envelopes me as I slip into unconsciousness.

Hands are shaking me now as a scream fills the room. Voices are surrounding me now. I thrash unknowingly, resisting the hold.

"Kairi!" a familiar voice says. "Calm down! You're fine now!" It is Dr. Mason. I am out of the trance. It takes me a moment to figure out the screams are from me. The hands are from attendants who rushed in to restrain me.

"Don't inject her with anything!" the doctor orders. "She's been through enough!" She seems frazzled, nothing like the librarian like figure I thought she reminded me of. In a soothing voice as if she is talking to a baby, she says, "It's okay, Kairi. You're safe now." Somehow it works, and I settle down, sobbing now.

"Don't ever make me go back again," I whisper through gasps. I am soaked in perspiration, the memory of the pain as my heart was taken out faint but still lingering, resurfaced from the hypnosis.

"It's okay," she tells me, holding me. With a gesture, she waves the attendants away for a moment. They stand by a wall in case anything happens again.

My cries eventually fade, and I slowly pull myself away from Dr. Mason. The memory was so vivid. It was as if I was relieving it all over again.

"You said some very interesting things, my dear," the doctor tells me, collecting herself now. "You described everything so vividly. But I don't understand what happened. None of what you said seems possible."

"It is and it was," I whisper, my voice hoarse from the screams. I pull my knees to my chest, quietly accepting a cup of water she hands me.

"Maybe we've done enough for today," she tells me. "You should rest and I'll evaluate everything for out next meeting." She seems eager to get rid of me, almost scared. Like everyone else. I only nod, finding myself too weak to say anything else.

"John, can you carry her back to her room and make sure she gets some sleep?" she asks one man. He hesitates then moves from the wall, scooping me up like a child. For once without drugs, I don't resist being carried. I just want to sleep, to put everything back into the past where memories belong. I don't want to relive the pains once more. As he leaves the office, I am too tired to notice the trip back to my room. Only my pillow as my head lays on it and I slip into a dark dreamless sleep.

Author's notes: Eh…My friend told me I need more emotion in my notes. I thought I showed plenty of emotions already, but she's never satisfied cough Eki cough

So I finally finished the sixth chapter. Took me longer than the others that's for sure. And I'm sorry the next one might take about two weeks to come out. I'm going on a cruise this weekend for a week and I'm not sure if I can bring my labtop. Now, let's see what I had to say about the reviews, um…thanks, don't worry, I hate Mary too, there's more to Dr. Mason and Anna, but I plan to hold that off for a little bit longer, thanks Aliasfan for that highly recommended thing!

Nanashi: didn't I tell you to stop calling me that? You're the only one who still uses that! No one's called me that since kindergarten!

Ud the Imp: um…split personalities? lol, not sure to take your review as a compliment or insult. Don't worry, I don't plan to keep Kairi in the place forever. And you're not the only one who hates Mary. I have a feeling there's enough of you Mary-haters to start a club.

I really can't write a reply to all the reviews, but I can write, thanks a lot! I'll try to keep it up, and if I don't, feel free flame so I know what to fix, and I'm not sure the hypnosis idea was such a good idea, but I couldn't think of anything else. And it was just how I imagined how Kairi got in Sora and stuff. Now it's about lunch time here, so I've got to go now, see ya'all when I finish the next chapter!

p.s. happy now, Eki? More emotion! I need food…


	7. Identity Doubt

_I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling, my hands bandaged from being lacerated as I pounded on the stone door. Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie cut class and came looking for me when I never showed up at school. Why didn't it open? Why?_

My mother says I don't have to try to return to school again until next week. For the first time in my life she stays home from work instead of calling on a neighbor to take care of me.

The linen on my bloodied hands is rough, restraining the movements on them. They ache, but I don't feel them. The pain would be worth it if I could just open the damn door. Even trying is better than being confined to my room. At least I'm doing something. Not just sitting around waiting.

A knock on the door sounds and my mother enters without my permission. I don't look at her. Right now, I'd rather be alone. Still, she comes and sits at the foot of my bed, smoothing my sheets. I sit up and draw my knees to my chest as if trying to get as far away from her as I can.

"Kairi, dear," she says, ignoring my actions. She reaches and picks up a stuffed animal off of my dresser, holding in her lap. It's Momo, my favorite toy when I was younger. It takes me a moment to realize it wasn't a cat as I had thought when I was younger. It's a moogle doll. Proof that we aren't from this world after all. Then why doesn't she just tell me about life before Destiny Island?

She doesn't take notice, as if pretending the white plush in her hands is just an overweight cat. I resist the urge to tear it from her, demanding the truth right there. Her normally young looking face has lately been creased with worry and trouble. The ratty old thing comforted me when I was younger, and it seems as if mother hopes for it to do the same for her.

"Kairi," she tries again after I don't answer, still stroking the plush. She seems to be drawing out the silence, not knowing what to say. "Honey, you have to realize they're gone. A freak accident. All I want for you is to put the past behind you."

"I can't," I say softly, wishing I was five again and could crawl under the bed whenever I was upset. "You have it wrong. They'll come back."

Mother gives a small frustrated sigh, placing the plush in my lap. Putting a hand on my shoulder, she is silent for a second as she thinks. "They're gone. In a different place now," she says. "All that you claim, the…other worlds and heartless, they must have been a dream."

It's like she is trying to convince me I am wrong. But she hesitated when she mentioned other worlds. Does she know or doesn't she? It's all too confusing. They did mention that they adopted me when I was found on the beach, so maybe they don't know.

"Mom," I ask suddenly, "Where did you get Momo from?" She looks confused for a moment. Did she know?

"I found it lying on the floor in the living room the day after we brought you home, honey. You were playing with it and we just assumed you always had it." That didn't answer my confusion. If she was telling the truth, she didn't know about other worlds, but she could easily be lying.

Hugging the plush to my chest for a moment as I try to think back, I give up. I can't remember if I had it or not when I came to Destiny Island. Can't remember anything about my past, just as I told Riku and Sora hundreds of time.

My mother gives a little sigh, patting my leg under the blanket and stands up. "Do you want some soup for lunch, Kairi? Chicken noodle," she asks me out of the blue. "I can even bring it up here for you if you want." Change of subject or honest offer for food? I don't know.

"Sure," I say, forcing a smile. I don't know why I am suddenly suspicious of everyone, but I am. Maybe it's because it seems as if secrets have been kept from me all my life. Sora and Riku, did they know? Did they know about their destinies? Was that why they were always practicing sword fighting?

I scratch that thought from my mind, knowing they couldn't have. I was in Sora, and though asleep, I could feel his confusion, his unsure ness. He was in the same boat as I was. They were, are my best friends. They would never keep secrets from me. Would they?

"I'll see you in a bit, honey," she says as she leaves. I feel a small wave of relief as she closes the door, leaving me alone to my thoughts. Now I don't have to be suspicious of her, or at least until she returns.

As soon as the lock clicks, I throw my blanket off and go to my closet, moving a pile of clothes away until the floor boards are visible. Clumsily digging my fingers under one, I lift it to reveal a secret cache I have used over the years. Inside are small mementos and a few pictures, all reminders of Sora and Riku. My parents don't know about this. When they talked to me to remove at least some of the pictures of the boys in my room after I unearthed them from the basement , I returned the cardboard boxes to their place filled with old clothes instead. The pictures I hid in the floor. My parents aren't the only one with secrets.

Spreading a few pictures out with awkward movements, I examine them closely. They are all pictures taken in the secret place. Some are just the walls and drawings made over the years, others with me and my friends in them. The ones of only the walls interest me, especially a shot of the stone door.

Moving the other pictures out of the way, I look for any clue on how to open the door. I scrutinize every inch of each image, searching for anything. If my mother hadn't confined me to my room thinking I needed to rest, I would search the cave walls themselves, but I can't. This is the best I can do for now.

Careful to not crease the photos with my thick lumbering hands, I study the drawings on the walls. Not all of them were drawn by us. Some were there before we could even remember. Could they hold the answers I seek?

What catches my interest are a few drawings on one side of the cave, a castle, some odd, non-human figures. In fact, a couple look like rough drawings of Sora's companions, the duck and the…I'm still not sure what he was. Weren't talking animals proof that things weren't what they seem? Maybe telling about them is what has people skeptical of my stories not.

The secret place isn't really a secret, just a cave passed from one child to another, but if it is a portal and the drawings do depict what lies on the other side, maybe someone else also made it through in the past. Which means they must have found a way to open the door. Now to find that way.

Chapter 7

"Kairi, you've been so well behaved lately," Mary comments, wheeling my lunch in. I don't answer, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. Too many thoughts are running through my head about the memories from the hypnosis. The only reason I've been so well behaved is because I've been quiet. I've been quiet because I've been tired lately, and I've been tired because I haven't been able to sleep, fearful of reliving the memories in nightmares as I used to when I first returned. Already, every time I've drifted off, I wake up gasping for breath and crying.

Mary uncovers the tray as she ignores my lack of response, cutting my meatloaf into small bits as if I were a child. She seems different as well, happier. Almost smug to see me not causing trouble. I think she believes my change is because of her. So big headed and dimwitted.

Abandoning the food, she comes to my bed and dugs on my sleeves, hauling me into a sitting position and leads me to the table. I don't make it hard on her, though I don't make it any easier. After a little dragging, I am seated, staring at the food as if I have forgotten to eat.

"Now this time, honey, try to eat something like a good girl, okay?" Mary tells me. "I am so proud of you, giving up your bad behavior. If only you would stop starving yourself." Great. I've actually done something Mary is proud of. That can't be a good thing.

Giving a little sigh as she stands at the door for a moment behind me, she says, "After you eat, you can go to the common room for a little while. Doesn't that sound fun?" Fun, right. Fun is playing on a beach in the sun with friends, building a raft and dreaming of adventure. Fun isn't watching other patients go about in their strange ways as someone annoys you to death with offers of things to do that only a preschooler would enjoy. When I don't say anything, she sighs again and walks out.

As soon as she is gone, I go the bathroom, scraping the meatloaf into the toilet. It has started to occur to me that they may be sneaking medications into anything processed, especially since they've given up trying every day to administer the medicine to me, only coming once or twice a week now. I need my head clear to think, not clouded up by drugs.

Settling on the bed with the apple and the carrots that are left, I eat, ignoring the gnawing in my stomach for something more filling that fruits and vegetables. It isn't too often I get meat that doesn't seem tainted or a boiled egg, not scrambled since there is a chance they can drug that as well.

_Suspicious of even food now, Kairi, _a little voice in my head says. _First it was your parents, then your friends, then now a piece of meatloaf. You really are losing it. _I sigh, agreeing the voice. But my suspicion of my parents was right. I just suspected the wrong thing. I never thought they would betray me like the day they had my suitcase packed, saying we were going on vacation and instead some men came and grabbed me, dragging me to this hell hole. Why didn't I see something wrong when I noticed they weren't packing as well?  
My stomach aches from the little food I've been eating, a dull pain that almost echoes the one from when my heart was taken. I don't want to be reminded, but at the same time, I need the pain to remind me. I don't want to forget that it was all real, that it really did happen.

_What _is _real?_ I question to myself. Maybe I'm not really in Cypress Grove Institution. Maybe I'm still dreaming, trapped in Sora? Maybe I dreamed that I've been saved and Sora still fights? Maybe I dreamed everything up including this. I'm just lying in my own bed, and Sora and Riku will be fighting with each other as usual. I can just wake up now and forget everything.

So many questions, so many maybes. For all I know, maybe I'm not Kairi at all, just some girl in a very intricate dream, or just a character in a story. Who am I?

I shake my head, pinching my arm to show it's all real. I can't be doing this. I already have everyone doubting me, I can't doubt myself. "I am Kairi," I reassure myself, whispering. "A princess of heart from Hollow Bastion. One of my best friends wields the legendary Keyblade while the other has been seduced to the dark side and now is trapped beyond the doors of Kingdom Hearts."

I feel silly, talking to myself, but I have to hear the words, to know that it isn't just in my mind, to know it's true. I can trust myself, right? If I can't trust anyone else, then I only have myself to know what is true.

This is confusing, thinking in circles. Do I trust myself or do I not? Am I insane? Is everything real? Staring at the apple in my hand with its one bite, I sigh. I don't know. I don't know anything. My mind is a jumble. I do belong here after all.

Knocks on my door sound as I look up. Damn, it's Mary again with her sickeningly happy smile. At least someone is happy. Why does she even bother knocking when she just comes in anyways? The door is locked. I can't open it myself anyways.

"Finished eating, sweetie?" she asks, clearing the tray. "Good girl. Now finish your apple or give it to me to throw away." She takes it before I can reply, throwing it onto the tray as she collected everything. "I'm so glad you liked your meatloaf. You cleaned your plate so well!" Little does she know what happened to it. She'll discover it in a few days anyways when the toilet clogs with my meals like last week and the plumber unearths old food in the drain again.

Balancing the tray on one hand, she steps aside, a bored looking volunteer walks in. Taking a look at the watch, the girl gives me the same fake smile everyone seems to have in this place and doesn't say a word.

"Lisa here will take you to the common room today, okay, Kairi?" Mary tells me, patting me on the head briefly. Giving a happy sigh as she sees that I don't seem to be in any hurry to make trouble, she adds before leaving, "Such a good girl. Maybe we can talk to Dr. Mason about clothing privileges for you. How does that sound?" Clothing privileges would be great. I'd do anything to get out of these drab greenish hospital clothes. Humming to herself merrily, she leaves.

"So you're Kairi," the volunteer says. _She's a real genius,_ I think but just nod. "Come on kid. Let's go now." It doesn't surprise me at how she treats me. All of the staff here don't care for the patients, so why should I get special treatment?

Instead of trying to tempt me with play dough or watercolors when we get to the common room, Lisa abandons me to sit by the wall with some other volunteers also slacking off from their "Buddy" responsibilities, leaving their charges to just make a mess. Rolling my eyes as she takes out a magazine instead of at least watching for trouble, I go to an empty table and sit.

Painting in a sketch of a paopu fruit absently, I look up with a sigh. It seems as if I'm the only one in the room who knows what I'm doing. A man with scraggly blond hair is talking the wall, yelling repeated at it. A boy a few years younger than me tosses a scrap of paper into the air and watches it float down before throwing it up again. A girl my age paints her arms and clothes with the watercolors before an attendant takes it away from her and leaves her screaming and throwing objects.

Each of the dozen other patients takes no notice of one another, lost in their own world. I shudder to think how lonely that would be. Then again, they wouldn't be able to know how others treat them. For a moment, I envy the truly insane, oblivious to life around them.

Blocking out the sounds in the background, I return to my picture, adding a shadow under the star shaped fruit and mixing the paints to create the right colors when a ball of play dough falls into the cup of water in front of me, spilling it across the table. Grabbing my painting up before it is ruined, I look up to find Anna standing behind me with a wide grin.

"So they do give you free time once in a while," she says, giving me a punch in the shoulder. "First time I've actually seen you out here." I smile a little, glad to see she is no longer mad at me for the incident a few days ago.

"Did you get into too much trouble for the escape?" I ask, curious. I'd been given a lecture by Mary that I had only listened half heartedly to and no desert for a week, though I hadn't really noticed, too busy lately thinking about my last session with Dr. mason.

"Lockdown for a couple of days," Anna answers with a shrug as if it was no big deal. "Just got out today." I wonder if she remembers I'm on a permanent lockdown, though she seems not to notice her mention of it. They think staying in your room was punishment? Then what did I ever do to have such a long term punishment?

I nod as if understanding, moving my chair over as she drags another one over and sits. She seems in a better mood than before, not so grumpy, though maybe that's because she hasn't been scrubbing urinals this time.

Reaching over, she snatches my picture out of my hand, turning away as she looked at it. "A paopu fruit, huh?" she says, pointing out eh obvious. "Legend of two people sharing one and their lives intertwining? Just a bunch of rubbish."

I don't like her looking at my picture, disliking it even more having it taken without my permission. My hand shoots out and grabs her arm, twisting her around as I take the paper back. Anna looks startled for a moment as I smooth the paper out.

"Wow, didn't know you were so possessive," she comments, but I don't see her mad. "Where'd you learn to be so quick?" I don't say anything for a moment, remembering all the times I'd watched Riku and Sora and picked up things on my own, including some fighting skills that even they don't know I have.

"A couple friends of mine taught me," I finally manage a bit colder than I mean to, not telling more than that. Luckily she seems to sense it and doesn't pry too much, taking a piece of paper herself and begins to draw something on her own.

For a moment, the only thing that can be heard between the two of us is me mopping up the spilled water and her pencil scratching out a crude sketches of people. _It's not her fault reminding me,_ I think to myself. _She didn't know._

Leaving the soaked paper towels in a pile on the table, I return to my seat, studying my drawing for a moment before remembering her reaction to hearing who my doctor was. Now it was my turn to ask some questions.

"Anna?" I ask, drawing her attention away from her picture. "About the other day, why were you so surprised when you heard I had Dr. Mason? Is something wrong with her?" Was it because she tries hypnosis on her patients or something else? From Anna's answer, it is the latter.

"Nothing," she says, suddenly paying a lot of attention to her picture. "It's just that I had her for a little while, but I don't like her very much, that's all." I wonder why. I didn't know it was possible to change doctors. Something must have happened that made it necessary.   
She doesn't seem to want to continue the conversation, so I drop the subject. What do we talk about now? She seems nice. I wonder if I should tell her my story and see if she believes me, but I change my mind. I don't want to scare her away. She already thinks of me as completely normal, and I don't want her to leave. She's the only one I really feel like I can talk to.

After a slight silence, Anna speaks up. "You know," she says, looking up. "You've changed." I cringe at the words. Sora told me the same thing, and right after, our world did change. For a moment, I almost expect the room to be engulfed in shadows suddenly. Instead, nothing happens.

"What do you mean?" I ask, hoping she didn't notice my reaction. I wouldn't know how to explain if she did inquire about it. Luckily, she's looking at her paper again, oblivious to my action.

"Well, you seem quieter, more adjusted to this place. I'm a little worried." So that's what it is. But then again, this is the first time I've seen her since over a week ago. Is the difference that noticeable?

"You shouldn't just accept that you're here, Kairi," she continues. "Then you're going to lose all motivation to get out of here. Like…" Anna trails off. Like who? It seems to me that she's having a hard time saying it. "Like…another friend I had. No names mentioned. She accepted it and began going crazy for real until they moved her to a different hospital." She lost a friend to the crazy system. Is that why she seems so eager to be friends with me? To replace her best friend? How long as she been here to witness things so sad?

"Anyways," she said. "Just try to remember you're sane. Don't let them win and don't leave me here. If I don't have anyone to talk to, I might go crazy too." She's afraid. She isn't as fearless as I thought. But she as a reason.

Giving her a hug, I tell her, "Don't worry. It's just that Dr. Mason did some sort of hypnosis on me, brought back some things that I've been thinking about lately. But thanks. For a bit I've also been questioning my sanity." If only I can remember her words, maybe I have a chance.

A tap on my shoulder catches my attention as I turn around, seeing Lisa again. What, now she wants to do her job? When I'm already talking to someone? "Let's go Kairi, my shift is almost over." I sigh. Nope, she's just thinking of herself again. Oh well, maybe I've had enough company for one day. There are things I have to rethink.

"I'll remember," I promise Anna with a small smile. "You do the same. I need someone to keep me on the sane side." I manage to get a smile from her as well as I leave, neither of us bothering to say bye.

As soon as I am back in my room and Lisa leaves in a hurry, I stand in the bathroom, looking at the mirror. I've avoided it ever since I've arrived in this place, not wanting to see myself and make it seem even more real about where I am.

I want to believe all that Anna's told me, to hold on to it, but my reflection also shows a change. My hair is a bit longer, disheveled from lack of care. My face is a bit thinner, loss of baby fat and looking a bit more mature. Even my eyes seem duller. The same look all the patients seem to have, even a smudge in Anna's eyes. What is this place doing to me? To us? It's supposed to help the mental. But it also turns the sane insane.

"I have changed, Sora," I whisper to myself. "I am different. Outside and in." The old Kairi, the innocent one before everything happened, hides inside of me, scared of my surroundings. I want the old Kairi back, my old life. I have to make a reminder for myself.

Rummaging around my room, I come up with my pen. Where do I write it? I can't write it on myself, the ink would just wash off. And I can't write it somewhere it can be seen by others. After a moment, I return to my bedside, going on the floor on my stomach. Crawling underneath, I write in a large, messy scrawl, "I AM KAIRI." Kairi hidden under the bed, waiting to return. It seems right. I darken the lines, nearly engraving it into the wall. Taking one last look at the message, I know I'll look upon it at least once a day, as a reminder to who I am. There. Now let's see them take my identity away. Let's see if they can change me now.

Author's notes:

Hey! I'm finally finished with the 7th chapter! Yeah, I got preoccupied when I returned from my cruise and didn't get much done the week after, so sorry about that. I'll try to update more often, but I can't promise it. Well, I guess the story will hint of Sokairi just because it's in the game, and with Anna, no! They are just friends! It's not like that! No one better be thinking that! glares at everyone Sorry this chapter is a little less sad. I figured it would be overwhelming if every chapter was super depressing. And I just want to get some promises and thoughts in. Sort of a calm chapter, but that just means that maybe the next one will be a little more exciting.

Review replies: Yes, she will get out of there eventually. She does need to be back home by the time KH2 begins, so don't worry, she's not there permanently. Sora and Riku won't be rescuing her, but she'll find a way out in her own way. There are enough stories with her seeming weak, so I'm trying to show a stronger side of her.

OctoberBreeze- Awww…thanks for the e-mail! Really made my day when I came back a little depressed after my cruise. hugs

Ud the Imp- well, if there are two people there, then there are two responses:

Ed- Anna's story will come up more in later chapters. She's tough on the outside, but there are reasons why she's so hard and against Dr. Mason.

Ud- Naw, I was kidding about taking it as a flame. Don't worry.

Miaku-Astradah- well, I've always thought of the beach as sort of a separate smaller island off of the real Destiny Islands, reason there's a dock and everyone has boats. That might be why there aren't parents. As for how she got there, I decided to just say she was found on the beach and adopted. That way it would give her reasons for having parents around. Better?

SoulofaSparrow-catches waffles and eats them thanks I missed breakfast anyways!

Yeah, I'm in a better mood than normal today. Maybe it is just because I didn't make this chapter so depressing. Oh well, hopefully it will keep up till the next one. So come on, anyone want to finally flame me for anything? Typos, mistakes? It would really help me know what to fix for the next chapter. Glad people liked the Ansem stealing her heart part. I was a little nervous about that. Okay, gotta go now, bye!

p.s. ha, Eki! More emotions! Now you can't say I'm so monotonous anymore! :P


	8. Shock and confusion

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The bandages on my hands are finally off, and my mother says I can give school another try. Tomorrow I start again, but am I ready? I don't want to face my classmates, but I have to sooner or later. At least I have one more day to enjoy before I return to the halls, the teachers, the classmates. Pretty much life, since I'm just a kid.

Thinking about the cave and the hope that there is a way to open the door has cheered me up a bit, but I still can't go to examine the cave walls itself. My parents seem a bit more protective lately, not letting me out of the house alone. They don't trust me after the incident the last time I was out by myself. When Wakka had carried me home after he, Tidus, and Selphie found me when I never showed up for school, my mother almost had a heart attack.

"Kairi," my mother calls from somewhere in the voice. "Come here for a moment, will you dear? There's someone you have to see."

For a second my heart leaps as I think Sora or Riku but remember it can't be them. Who could it be then? Descending the stairs, I freeze, spotting a man sitting at the kitchen table with my parents.

"Honey," my father says slowly. "This is Detective Cromwell," he introduces. The man at the table nods and takes another sip of his coffee. What is a detective doing here? What could he want?

I watch him warily as I slowly come down the stairs and stand next to the table., noticing the fat folders on the table. They both have names on them. Riku and Sora.

"Hello, kid," he said, removing his hat to reveal salt and peppered hair. "I'm here to ask you what you know about your friends. Just a few questions. That's all." Backing up a bit, I shake my head. I don't want to answer questions. They don't believe me anyways. I'm already finding another way to bring back the boys.

"Kairi, sweetie," my mother says. "Can you just answer a few questions? You can tell the truth. Don't worry about it."

"The truth?" I repeat. "Sora and Riku are stranded in other worlds, Riku behind the door to Kingdom Hearts and Sora trying to find him as he fights off heartless." The detective sighs, rubbing his temple.

"Kid, I know you're scared, but it's okay to tell the truth. Can you stop playing around for a moment to tell me what happened to them?" Playing around? I knew it. They wouldn't believe me even a heartless popped up in the middle of the kitchen table.

"Mother, I'm going out for a moment," I say, moving toward the door. My father steps in front of me, grabbing my upper arm.

"Kairi, can you just hold it for a minute there?" he said, leading me toward the table and pulling out a chair. Now they're against me too? He sits me down in the chair, leaving me to stare at the table, avoiding the detective's gaze.

"Look," Detective Cromwell says, looking irritated and a little bored. "Just tell me what happened. Did the three of you go out in your boats during the storm? Your boats disappeared that night as well. What happened? Were you on the beach and someone approached you?"

"No, I was in my bedroom," I tell him, looking him in the eyes so he can tell I'm not lying. "A heartless came and took my heart. I saw Riku disappear in a dark portal and Sora vanish when a door opened."

"This door," he continues, looking slightly curious now. "Where was it?"

"In a cave," I respond. "It's what everyone calls the Secret Place." My father suddenly puts a hand on my shoulder as if wanting me to be quiet.

"Oh, that place," he laughs, his hand tightening just a bit. "There's nothing there. Just an old cave. Kids used to always dare each other to go in there when I was a child."

Standing up, Detective Cromwell clears his throat as he gathers the files up. "Kairi," he says. "Can you show me this Secret Place?" I hesitate for a second. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the door. My father ends up answering for me.

"Of course, sir," he laughs, heading toward the door. "But trust me, there's nothing there." For a moment, I look at my father bewildered. If he's been in the cave before, does he know?

Nodding, the detective leaves, following my father to his boat. In a moment, we've sailed out to the smaller side island and dock at the beach.

The beach looks no different than before, the sand as light as ever, glinting with microscopic pieces of mica and glass. For a split second, I forget what has happened, believing that it is just a normal day and the others are waiting to play on beach. I can even hear the shouts of Tidus and Wakka sparring in the sand, seeing them in the distance. Then my father speaks up and I remember what I really am here to do.

"The cave is this way, Detective," he says, pointing toward the waterfall. The other man just nods, making his way toward the direction indicated. I fall behind, not wanting to be part of it.

Emerging from the short tunnel into the cave, I scan the walls. The door still just looks like a rock. In fact, it somehow looks even less like a door than before.

"This is it?" Cromwell asks, looking slightly disappointed. "Just a small hole? I don't even see the door you mentioned."

"It's there," I say, pointing to the rock. "Or, it was there." I trace a finger around the barely visible shape of the door. Nothing. Not even a crack. It seems as if every time I look for the door, it becomes harder to find. Is that a sign? Does that mean the door is fading? Closing our world from the other worlds permanently?

"Kairi, you must have just dreamed it," my father says placing a hand on my shoulder. "Even I don't remember a door here from when I used to play in this cave."

Detective Cromwell finishes his inspection of the cave, seeing nothing that captures his interest. With a sigh, he heads out without a word. My father and I don't say anything either until we emerge back by the waterfall.

"Kid," he said. "Nice imagination, but it's a waste of my time. If you really want me to find your friends, come back to me with something not from a fairytale." I'm not too surprised by his reaction, seeing how difficult it is going to be to get someone to take me seriously.

Shaking his head as if he was in disbelief that he squandered time looking for nothing, he heads back to the boat. My father just gives me a sad look and follows, leaving me standing on the beach.

"Kairi, you can stay here for now if you want," he tells me, already pushing the boat out. "Just be home by dinner time." Watching them sail back home, I sit down in the sand, my knees pulled to my chest as I watch the waves. Who needs them. I can find Sora and Riku myself. Still, I don't fully believe in myself.

Chapter 8

I sit in Dr. Mason's empty office quietly, unsure of what is going on. First thing that happened this morning was Mary taking me here. What could be happening? A feeling of apprehension hangs in the air, though I can't make out what is different.

Looking around the room, I can't see anything too different. There is a cart with a thin sheet covering some bulky items on it, but that's it. Though curious, I restrain myself from peeking under the cloth. Still, something about it doesn't seem right.

Checking the clock on the wall, I wonder if Mary got the time right. Doesn't seem like it. Though it has only been about five minutes, time seems to be crawling by. I suddenly feel like I don't want to find out what is going to happen if even the world is delaying its coming.

Before I can get up and dash out of the room, the door opens, making me jump. It is just Dr. Mason. She doesn't seem to notice me, preoccupied in reading from a clipboard in her hand, a thick file tucked under her arm. Sitting down in the chair by the couch I am on, she doesn't look up while she speaks.

"Kairi," she says, proving wrong my theory that she doesn't see me. "Sorry I'm a little late. I was consulting another doctor about your file and lost track of time." About me? I want to ask, but suddenly I feel like I don't want to know the answer.

Flipping a page on the clipboard, she adjusts the small glasses perched on her nose. "Well, my dear," she says. "You had a very interesting recalling of events that had happened during your hypnosis last session." I cringe, not wanting to be reminded. I'm not doing that ever again. The pain and memories of that still linger in my mind after more than a week.

Dr. Mason seems to sense my tension, giving me a small smile of comfort. "Don't worry," she says. "We're finished with that little experiment for now." I don't like the last two words of her sentence. Never again am I letting her try hypnosis a second time.

Reaching over to pull the mystery cart closer, she pulls a small box from under the sheet, still not revealing everything there. I look at it, intrigued. Seeing my curiosity, she says, "It's just another procedure we're going to try, Kairi. Nothing like the hypnosis.

Wary, I don't take my eyes off of the cover as she opens it, pulling out a syringe. Immediately I tense up. Why is that needed? I wasn't misbehaving or anything. I don't need to be tranquilized. I cringe away from her as she draws close.

"Calm down, it's nothing really," she says, taking a cotton ball with alcohol and cleaning a spot on my arm. I feel the pinch of the needle piercing my skin and the strange, cool feeling of the metal point sliding out. So far, I don't feel sleepy. Then what was the injection for in the first place. I get my answer a second after the thought.

My muscles lock, freezing. I can't move. Immediately, I try to struggle, try to scream, but the muscles in my throat seem to have frozen as well. Fear shines in my eyes as I glance at her for an explanation. Did something go wrong? Instead, she acts as if nothing is happening, slowly pushing me on my back, positioning me like a doll to lie on the couch.

"What…is this," I manage to get out despite a thick tongue. It scares me more as she reach under the couch, bringing up leather straps. Proceeding to restrain me, I can't see why she would need them. I can't move anyways. She's supposed to help me! What is she doing?

"It's succinycholine," Dr. Mason says. What the hell is that supposed to be? I'm not a doctor. "It's just a little paralysis so you don't fracture anything." Fracture? Not good. A mask is placed on my mouth, oxygen flowing through it. I cough on the alien air for a moment, begging my hand to move and rip it away. Still no movement.

From the corner of my eye through a tear of helplessness sliding down my face, I see her whip the sheet off the cart. Monitors of some kind with lots of tubes coming from it. Unable to move my neck, I can't see what she is doing. A few more pricks on my arm are felt and I am sure they are the tubes from the equipment on the cart.

A soft whimper escapes my throat as she strokes my hair, moving the strands lying on my forehead. "It'll be okay," she says, but I don't agree. "It won't hurt a bit. ECT will help you and your condition." I am too nervous to think about what ECT stands for, but I doubt it is anything good.

Applying a cool gel on my foreheads, she places a couple small pads against my skin, each one connected to a thin wire coming from the machines. I give a small shudder as she places something in my mouth.

"Delusion disorder from post trauma stress," she says sadly. "Poor girl. This should help you feel better." One more injection into my arm and this time the room starts to fade. Always something to knock me unconscious. Before I blank out, I see her switching on the machines. I know what this is now. One thought passes through my mind before I fall asleep. Electroshock therapy.

A gentle shake rouses me from my sleep as I give a soft groan. Where am I? A slightly familiar face peers down at me. Dr. Mason? Why am I in her office? For some reason, I can't remember falling asleep in here or even coming in here. I'm probably in here for a psychiatric session.

"How are you feeling?" she asks me. I don't answer, only stiffly trying to sit up. My head pounds, and I feel like I am moving through molasses. She smiles, holding out a hand to help me up.

"It's all okay," she tells me, and for a split moment, I believe she is like my mother. No, not my mother. Something in my mind tells me otherwise, warning me. For now, I feel too tired to figure it out.

"Is my session over yet?" I ask. She nods. Good. I have a feeling that I don't want to be in here anymore. I want to get as far away as possible.

"Yes it is, and it went wonderful." Funny how it can be wonderful if I can't even remember it. Struggling to stand up, I end up sitting back down. She only laughs and opens the door to the hallway. Mary comes in, taking my arm and pulling me to my feet.

"I'll see you in a couple of days, alright?" Dr. Mason tells me. To Mary, she says, "She's been good. She deserves a little time in the common room, okay?" Nodding, Mary gives me one of her fake motherly smiles, leading me out. As the door closes behind me, I give a small sigh of relief, unsure why. What was with the room that I couldn't wait to leave? The question lingers until I am in the common room, seated in one of the plastic chairs.

My headache refuses to subside and I put my head down on the table. Not much better. It still feels like everything is spinning. What exactly had happened in that office? Giving a slight groan, I don't notice someone behind me.

"Kairi, good to see you again," says a familiar voice. It's a girl's voice. She gives me a light punch in the shoulder and sits down next to me. "Looks like they're going easier on your special isolation. I'm starting to see you here more often."

I look up dazed, trying to connect a name with the face. Anna. Why am I feeling so strange? "Oh, hi," I say, trying not to put my head back down. Anna notices my strange behavior, looking worried for a moment.

"Are you okay?" she asks. I just mumble a few incoherent words and nod, not sure what to say. She looks at me confused for a moment before her expression changes as if she has seen a ghost.

"Kairi? Did you just have a session?" I nod and her worry increases. "You have Dr. Mason, right?" Another nod. This time, she swears, slamming a fist into the table. The sound hurts my head and the other patience stare, coming out of their own worlds for just a second.

"I can't believe she did that!" Anna rages. I pull back a little bit. She grabs my shoulders giving me a shake as I look startled. "Snap out of it now," she demands. Snap out of what? What did Dr. mason do to me? She answers my question with another swear word. "ECT, do you know what that is? Electroshock therapy."

It takes me a moment to process the words, trying to piece the memories of the last maybe half and hour. Machines. Falling asleep. Did something happen to me that I didn't know?

Anna sighs, looking a little defeated. "You must be here on delusions, huh," she says. Delusions. That was something I remember Dr. Mason saying. Without waiting for an answer, she continues, "ECT is sometimes used for delusions. I've had it myself."

"For delusions?" I ask. I suddenly notice that I've never asked what she was in Cypress Grove for. Then again, she told me not to ask.

"For depression," she tells me. "They use ECT on depression sometimes too. The extreme cases. I've tried killing myself before. The last time I set my house on fire and nearly killed my family too."

I look startled, unsure of what to say. She doesn't strike me as someone with depression. Well, maybe a little. She's probably on medications, so I've never actually seen her real self. The thought of that scares me a little. I don't actually know my friend here.

"Dr. Mason can go to hell," she grumbles. "I had her when I first came here. I never want to see that woman again." Is Dr. Mason that bad? I sense something else that just some bad sessions. What is between them?

Anna grabs my arm, the same warning look she had when she told me not to forget who I was. "Don't let her get to you again," she says almost threateningly. "Find a way to get away from her sessions. I've seen them drive people crazy."

Is she crazy? I don't fully believe that there was ECT involved. I probably just fell asleep while Dr. Mason was talking. I don't want to believe. I feel a little tired, that's all. And my headache can be just a cold.

Pulling my arm out of her grip, I tell her, "I don't really think they'd use ECT. I'm just getting sick." She looks like she is about to strangle me to make me understand. But I do understand. She has a problem with Dr. Mason. I have to admit the doctor isn't my most favorite person in the world, but she isn't as bad as Mary or some of the others around here. She must be just making the ECT up. I can't believe something like that could happen to me.

"Tired? Headaches? Those are some of the drawbacks of the treatments. But if you want to be a vegetable, fine with me," Anna says angrily. "I got away from it, but I've seen what it can do. It'll make you forget. You can't forget, remember?" She looks like the one with delusion. At the moment I want to forget her. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. I just am.

Sighing in frustration, she abruptly stands, knocking back her chair as she storms out of the room wordlessly. I'm still a little confused at what is happening, finding everything hard to comprehend. Why would she believe I've had ECT?

Finding that my head is still pounding, I get up, slowly, muscles still a little stiff as I look for Mary. I want to go back to my room now. Maybe a nap will help me understand what is going on. Why Anna was so mad.

"Sleepy?" Mary asks, leading me toward the door. I nod. For once, I am glad to follow what she wants as I am returned to my room. She pats my head like I am a dog before leaving.

Practically collapsing onto my bed, I curl up under my sheets. I just need a little rest to clear my head. I promise to myself that next time I see Anna, I'll try to apologize for whatever I've done. I don't know what it is, but I don't want to lose a friend. I can't afford to. I've already lost too many.

Shutting my eyes, I urge the headache to go away, and with it the cloud covering my mind, making everything foggy. I will it to take the confusion away. Sleep seems to be the only thing that comforts me, letting me drift away from everything. Trying to relax my tense muscles, I feel something in my mind trying to reach out, to remind me of something, but before it reaches me, I fall asleep and it withdraws back into the fog.

Author's notes: Okay, I lied, I'm not going to be able to update every week. But I'll try to update way more often! I've just been…preoccupied with a lot of stuff lately. A lot of things on my mind. Don't worry, I'm not leaving this story. It'll just take a little longer for each chapter to come out. For some reason, I don't really how this chapter ends. It seems a little confusing. Well, Kairi's confused, so maybe that's why, but something about it doesn't make sense. That or I'm thinking too much.

Oh, and except for this chapter, did anyone notice each chapter was longer than the one before? Hm…not sure how that happened. Oh well. This chapter breaks the trend. Otherwise I'd have really, really long chapters after a while.

October Breeze Aww, thanks. That's so nice! As I've already said, I'll try to update more, but lately things have been weird and I never get around to writing, but I'll try!

Kintora Yeah, I didn't like the ship that much either. My ship left from Los Angeles and stopped at San Diego, Catalina Island, and Enseñ ada, Mexico. Your question? Well, probably not in this story since they're away and as a challenge I'm trying to see if I can stick to the game as much as possible, but that's only a probably!

Cold-Blade hehe, I think trying to think of what to write next is what's going to put me in the mental hospital.

HonoIKatana Thanks! That's so nice of you!

Shady Fetish Yeah, actually Anna sounds like a good friend wherever you are. Or maybe that's just my opinion…

Nanashi I don't talk that much! Okay, maybe I do…

Eki Okay…get away from the Final Fantasy X-2 already! If you mention duck soup one more time, I'm going to send YOU to a mental hospital!

fLiKeriNg haLo hey! A new person to say hi to! waves

Erm…did I miss anyone? Well, if I did, sorry! Okay, I promise I'll try harder to get the next chapter out sooner, and I hope this one still meets expectations. This chapter's a little rushed because I was feeling bad for not updating, so sorry if there's any typos and mistakes. Come on, anyone want to flame? I know there's got to be someone out there who would! I'm not perfect! And now I feel sort of stupid for begging for flames…


	9. Shattered Mirror

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Shifting my position in the paopu tree, I stare out to the ocean as if hoping I can somehow spot a hint of any world or land beyond the vast blue waters. Still nothing. The waves go on and on. So the other worlds aren't out there. How do I start looking then? The door seems to have been sealed, but there has to be other ways.

"Don't think the raft was a good idea," I say to myself, recalling the weeks of labor it took to build it. From the looks of the size of the ocean, it would've taken us forever to reach any place. Still, I would paddle out into it and drift to the end of the world if it meant getting off my butt and looking for them. Too bad it had been destroyed in the storm.

"You would've hated that, wouldn't you, Riku?" I speak to no one. "All the work, well, all the work we made Sora do," I can't help laugh a little at that, tears sliding down my cheek as I shake my head. "All the work to find out it couldn't survive through a storm. Still, you got your wish, didn't you. You're not here anymore."

That's right. Not here, and neither is Sora. It might be selfish, but I wish that both of them didn't have to go. They left me here to deal with everything. "Sora, you lazy bum," I whisper, remembering how I was always calling him that. "Get off your butt and find him quickly," I plead. "Find Riku and both of you can come back to me."

My tears hit the water below, the ripples spreading to distort my reflection. For a moment, I think I see the two of them, smiling. I look away. They promised to take me, said I was going too. Then why am I still in this tree?

Something hard hits my shoulder and it takes me a moment to regain my balance. Looking around, something yellow catches my eye. A paopu fruit. The last one. Staring at it, I recall the old legend about it, how the souls of the ones who share the fruit are intertwined.

Leaning out of the tree, I pick it up, cradling the star shaped fruit in my hands. I stroke the single leaf on it, making a wish on it. It's like a fallen star, plummeting from the tree above. Though I know it is childish, I whisper a wish, a wish to be reunited with Sora and Rikku.

The fruit grows warm in my embrace as if accepting and acknowledging my desires. I wonder if there is more to the paopu than meets the eye. The legend repeats itself in my head. Slowly, I bring the star to my lips, taking a small bite salted with my tears. For a legendary fruit, it's sort of sour, the tartness settling on my tongue. Sweet juice runs down my chin and I wipe it.

Staring at the single bite on the fruit, I look into my reflection. There they are again, Sora and Riku's faces. I swear I can see them flashing in my eyes, inside of me. With a splash, the paopu falls into my hand and into their images, overwhelmed by the water around it. I just want to share the fruit with them, my best friends. I want our souls, our fates to come together forever. Then I won't be completely alone. No one ever said it could only bind two people together. I would never be able to choose between them anyways. This way, I hope I can be with them both.

In the clear water, the yellow fruit disappears, sinking to the bottom. It didn't work. I still sense an empty void in my heart. "Is it a sign?" I whisper. "The fruit vanishing. Is it my fate, my soul destined to drift to the bottom of the ocean alone, never to be with those I love? Does that mean they won't return?"

For a slight moment, I almost scoff the idea, seeing how foolish I was acting and that I should just go home. I'd probably end up with my fate intertwined with whatever fish came to nibble the fruit now lying at the bottom of the water. Ha, soul mate with a guppy.

No, I refuse to give up. I can't. If they can be strong, so can I. I'm not as helpless as they think. Wiping my bitter tears on the back of my hand, I can't help yelling. "I'll find you!" my voice carries out on the wind. "Riku! Sora! Don't leave me!" the words dissolve into nothing, carried away by the breeze. Breaking down, I sob, my face in my hands.

Footsteps approach as I turn around to the bridge. Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie stare back at me. I look away, not wanting them to see the anguish on my face. They're still my friends, but I haven't talked to them much since everything had happened. Selphie's the first to speak up, coming behind me and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Kairi," she says, almost softly as if afraid of me. I pull away, but Tidus and Wakka appear behind me as well. "Kairi, are you okay?" Selphie asks again.

"Ya, we're a little worried about you," Wakka says, his face solemn.

"Especially if you're starting to talk to yourself-ow!" Tidus's comment was cut off as Selphie kicked him in the shin. Ignoring his hopping around, she pushes him aside.

"What he means is," she tries to fix his inconsiderate blunder, "We're here to help you. We know how hard you're taking this all. It was an accident and you couldn't do anything about it."

"Yes I could, and I still can," I say adding the second part softly. I can go on my own journey, be the one saving Sora and Riku instead of them saving me. I've watched them fighting and practiced my sword fighting that I'm as good as them, even though I've never actually shown them. It will be a surprise to them, and I'll get them back at the same time.

A tapping on my shoulder draws me out of my thoughts, Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka all staring at me. Pulling back, I twist around and jump out of the tree, heading for the bridge and looking determined. The cave. I'll find a way to get that damn door open. The three of them follow behind me, running to catch up.

"Kairi, listen to us!" Selphie demands. "You need to let them go!" That's what everyone tells me. I clench my teeth, tired of hearing those words so often.

"No!" I spin around and yell. "I don't want to! I'm never going to!" The startled look on her face as well as Wakka and Tidus's make me feel slightly guilty. I shouldn't be taking it out on them. Then the guilt fades. They might be my friends, but they're still like everyone else, not believing me. Before they can say a word, I turn around and dive off the bridge into the water.

Letting the cool blue liquid embrace me, I propel myself farther. Beyond the surface, I hear muffled shouts as the three of them call my name, running across the bridge and to the beach. I ignore them. I'm faster than them even if they run. Another little secret I don't tell many people, I'm a strong swimmer.

Shaking out my short red hair, I wade through the shallow water, running to the cave. Behind me, Tidus calls for me to wait. They've heard my stories, they know about my theories of the door. They know exactly where I'm headed.

"Let me go!" I scream as Wakka sprints and catches up, wrapping his arms around me. Damn him and his long legs. He holds me tight, pulling me to the ground as I sit there, crying and flailing. Tidus attempts to hold my legs and I kick him in the chest while Selphie strokes my hair and tries to calm me.

"Kairi, stop it," she pleads. "There's no door. We've checked ourselves!" She looks close to crying as I struggle, though my throes weaken as I tire.

"Come on, Kairi," Tidus says, nursing a couple of bruises as he gives up restraining me. "Aw, don't cry. It'll be okay."

Holding me closer, Wakka doesn't say a word as I finally end up sobbing into his shoulder, his clothes damp from my spontaneous swim and my tears. Tides and Selphie are holding me too now, their arms wrapped around me as I cry. I don't want them to let go, to leave.

"We promise…"

"We're always going to…"

"Be here for you."

I hope their promise is genuine. They're all that I have left right now. I want them always on my side. I don't want to let go. Then I'll be alone again.

Chapter 9

_I am in Hollow Bastion, looking up at the floating castle. The clashing of swords ring in the air and hang there like the stones leading up to the castle. Sounds of a fight can be heard above._

_Shivering as a mist from the water fall drifts over me, brushing my skin, I look around for a place to begin my climb. I don't know exactly why I want to be up there. I just do. Steadying myself, I lunge for the first rock, pulling myself up to the platform._

One by one, I slowly make my way up, determined to reach the goal of my unknown motivation. My arms tire and I want to stop and rest, but something forces me to go on. Brushing dark red strands out of my eyes as I wipe the beads of sweat on my forehead, I continue until I collapse on the highest platform. Breathless from the effort, I look down.

The height is amazing, everything below looking like crystals. For a moment, I swear I see the ghost shapes of three figures leaping easily from one rock to another and coming my way.

"Sora?" I ask in confusion, catching sight of spiky brown hair, but the phantom doesn't answer, only disappear as it and the other two shapes run onto a platform. I follow and find the platform a lift, falling on my behind as it suddenly jerks, moving up to the castle in the distance.

"Is that where I'm from?" I say out loud. My voice echoes in the air unanswered. The lift slowly approaches the object of my attention, fight sounds drawing closer. I can hear voices now amidst the clashing.

Soon, the lift bumps to a stop. I stand up tentatively, feeling the pull toward the door in the distance again. The area looks empty, the only sound coming from within the castle. The rhythmic sounds of my feet echo as I run to the door. Reaching for it, I pass right through it like a phantom. Suddenly, I'm standing in a great hall, a battle in the middle of it. I forget my confusion of walking through the door when I see who it is.

" Sora! Riku!" I yell, my heart jumping for joy. But my happiness falls when I see they're fighting each other, and not their usual sparring. The two of them don't seem to here me, their brows furrowed in concentration as they slash at each other. I can't take this anymore. One of them is going to get hurt.

"Stop it, both of you!" I plead, a tear in my eye. I've never seen them so angry. They seem serious. "You two are best friends! Quit it!" Without thinking, I run between them when there is a chance.

"Riku, Sora," I try again. They still don't seem to here me, don't even see me. Before I can react, both of them rush at each other, me in between. Their blades crash above me as I cover my head with my arms. Then both weapons move down, slashing through my body. I feel a cold pain rush through me, but at the same time nothing as I fall to the ground. They still don't take any notice of me. Slowly, the scene fades to black as I whisper their names.

"Sora! Riku!" I cry, sitting up in my bed. There is no battle anymore. No clashing swords. Only the faint hum of the florescent lights above my bed. Trembling a bit, I pull my sheet up, holding it close for comfort. What had that dream meant? They both never fight each other, or at least not seriously. Only sparring. I only vaguely remember it, watching the scene through Sora's eyes, though closer to the keyhole and my real body, my mind had felt torn between my heart and my body. I know Rikku was possessed by Ansem, but there was a flash in his eyes that was truly him, as if he believed fighting Sora was the right thing. The same flash was in Sora's eyes.

Fighting. Had they been fighting for me? And I was the one who ended up hurt. But they didn't see it. It's like now. They can't see how much the conflicts between them hurt me, and even though they were both fighting to save me, I was left barely hanging on to them.

__

Leaving the warmth of my bed, I look out my door through the plexiglass, squinting. The clock across the hall is barely visible, but I eventually make out the time. 2:36. Thirty seven now. Sighing, I sit back on my bed, leaning against the wall. I have a feeling I won't be getting much more sleep.

Closing my eyes, a faint pain lingers in my head as I try to recall what I've been doing this week. There have been blank periods occasionally, short but confusing. All I know is that I've had at least a couple more sessions with Dr. Mason. Another one this afternoon, or yesterday I should say, as well. For some odd reason, I can't remember exactly what we talk about, though she continues to tell me my treatment is going well. I walk in, and about half an hour later I leave.

The cold water I splash on my face in the bathroom draws the little sleep I have left away. Absently, I dab a towel at my shirt front, damp with water. The coolness helps a little, keeping me awake. Padding back into my room, I grab my notebook and collapse on my bed, flipping through it. I plan to write down my dream, but instead, I pause and skim through it. For some reason, it looks like someone else held the pen, putting other thoughts into it.

"What's going on?" I whisper. Lately, things have been blurring. At least that nurse Mary seems happier. I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling less energetic, sluggish. When I ask if what I'm feeling is normal, the doctors just nod and say it is. They don't tell me why though. Why is that?

A drawing catches my eye, a little sketch in the corner of a page. Some little black creature, yellow eyes scratched in with a marker. I can't remember ever drawing it. Still, something about it bothers me. It is the same feeling when I think about my dream. I'm not sure where Hollow Bastion is or how I know the name. Sighing, I curl into a ball and close my eyes, hugging the notebook to my chest as if somehow I can absorb the information and remember why I wrote that.

I frown at the thought of what happened. How am I forgetting things? I want to forget, but the same time I don't want to let go of…whatever is fleeing my memories. Quickly, I begin to record my dream, remembering the names specifically. Who was Ansem again anyways? Shaking my head to clear it of the question, I finish writing then flip to the beginning of the notebook. Same handwriting, curved, perfectly neat script that the boys used to tease me about writing.

Dropping it, I rest my head in my arms against my pulled up knees, closing my eyes. Everything seems to be so confusing lately. Thinking back as far as I can to a clear moment, I remember Dr. Mason's face. Her office. It all started there about a week ago. What have we been doing in there? Is she sucking out my memories or something? Scoffing at the idea, I almost laugh at starting to believe some implausible science fiction thing. All those things aren't real. Then why did I think Riku was possessed?

Riku and Sora, why haven't they visited me? I can't recall exactly why I'm in this place, but I'd figure at least one of them would have come by. I worry about how they are, remembering the dream. It seemed so real, their anger genuine and the tension between them almost tangible. I long to see them, to see it isn't true.

They don't like me anymore. That has to be it, the reason I can't recall seeing them for the longest time. They must hate me for being crazy. I don't blame them. Returning to the bathroom, I pull the thin black handkerchief I have hanging on the mirror because I can't stand to see my reflection, miserable without a hint of who I was before. This time, though, I want to gaze upon it and see exactly what they can't stand of me.

It's not hard to see how my friends would turn away. It looks more like a ghost staring back at me, hollow. Is that what I really look like to everybody? No wonder I'm here. If I look like that and with the stories I've been claiming, of course I'd be labeled as insane. Still, if I look closely, I see the shadow of old Kairi, hiding in the mirror. Without thinking, I bash my fists into it, glass biting into my flesh as I try to free my old self from its prison.

The pain jolts me back into the real world, my fractured expression scared and confused. What am I doing? I really must be losing my mind. Slowly, I retract my arm, glancing as drops of blood fall to the floor, crimson flowers blossoming where they splatter. In a way, I welcome the pain, reminding me I'm in the real world, though it is numb, as if I'm feeling it through another person's body. Turning my arms over, a large shard protrudes from one wrist, cutting through the artery. The other wrist is spiked with smaller fragments. Both wounds bleed profusely.

Sinking to my knees at the sight of it, I can already here shouts outside my room, attendants on the graveyard shift rushing to find the source of the crash. Looking up, I see a small dot where the mirror used to be. A bug. So someone is coming, alerted instantly at the sound.

It is amazing how much blood is in my body, pooling onto the floor around me. My head starts to spin a little, and I move to slowly pull out the shards. Each one sends sharp pains through my arm, my hand shaking. Besides me lies a blood soaked towel, and I hesitate moving toward it to bound my wrists. Maybe I should just let it flow. Maybe this is the best solution. I wouldn't have the guts to do this again if I ever decide I want to end the misery. No one would care anyways, seeing as they left me here to die in the first place.

Shaking now as nausea sets in while I grit my teeth and yank out another shard, A face comes into my mind. No, two faces. Sora and Riku. They might hate me, but I want to see them one more time. I can't die right now. I want to apologize and hope they forgive me for being crazy.

"Kairi?" a voice calls from outside. "Is everything fine in there?" I can't open my mouth to answer, staring at the puddle redness as a coldness runs through my body. No, I don't want to die. This was an accident anyways. I didn't mean it.

The sound of keys fumbling in the lock sounds far away, as if the person can't remember which one is which. More voices are heard, frantic ones now, but they seem to be fading as well. No, I have to stay awake, just a little longer. I need the help, but I can't make myself stand. My legs feel like gelatin and black flashes dance in my vision.

Whimpering as I fight to keep control, the door finally opens, banging into the wall as it hits hard. Large hands grasp my shoulder from behind, attendants gasping and hurrying about frantically. My face pale, I waver a bit, feeling the room tilt. Is this how it ends?

"Come on kid, you're going to be okay," someone says, but the voices are a blur by now. Something stings, a towel maybe, as it touches my arm. Someone swears.

"This kid's really messed up," a voice says. "They should have assigned more people to watch her."

No I'm not, I want to say. It was an accident. I didn't know what I was doing. I never meant to cut myself. The mirror wasn't a very good one in the first place. Still, my voice has disappeared, just a barely audible whisper as I try to explain myself.

Slumping backwards into someone's lap, I catch my reflection in a large, blood stained shard on the floor. Miserable. Somewhere in the depths of it, I see faces again, but not mine. My vision is wavering while someone wipes my forehead with a cold towel, and I make out who is in the mirror. Slowly, everything darkens and I wonder if this is death. The sounds fade too until I can just hear my own voice, whispering the names of who I saw. The names echo in my head as I pass out, my call never being answered. "Sora," my voice breaks for a moment. "Riku." Then I'm alone in the dark again.

Author's notes: okay, yeah, writers block and everything. I know this chapter's probably confusing and doesn't really flow very well, but I was sort of feeling guilty for being such a slacker at updating and had to put something. Let's see, things to keep in mind, ECT can cause some memory lost and confusion. In Kairi's case, Dr. Mason is doing other things besides just the normal ECT (find out later!) which is causing her loads of confusion and distorting her thoughts and memories. So far, though, it seems like it's not doing much to help….darn Dr. Mason… No, Kairi's not going to die, she's too important! But as you can see, she really isn't taking to the treatments well. Erm, yeah. Sorry if this chapter really doesn't make sense. I was a little rushed and feeling bad, but at least I updated! Even if it isn't very good….

Review replies:

October Breeze= hehe, yeah, a little short term memory loss and confusion, she'd forget what had just happened. Sorry for confusing you!

Ud the Imp= Ed, okie, yeah, there are other things about Dr. Mason, it's hard to tell whether she's good or bad. Ud? Erm, lay off the caps lock? And thanks Mickey, yeah, I think he really did need that

Shady Fetish=oye, hehe, sorry about the creeping out part!

aliasfan= eh, yeah, trying to stay away from one month XD yay! Flames! Now I have a craving for barbeque for some reason, or maybe something flame broiled…heads to Burger King

Cold-Blade=returns from lunch break experience? Um….not sure. If I did, don't think I can remember

Chibi Trowa B= don't you ever get tired of calling me chit-chat!?

Eki= yeah, little kids are like that sometimes. And your darn question? I WAS THE ONE WHO MENTIONED THAT! It was just something I sort of discovered while skimming over the past chapters and it's sort of how you can adopt something and be all "Aw, it has your eyes!" sighs you're weird…

Kintora=Hope you had fun at camp! Mandatory Fun doesn't sound very fun…ECT is pretty much electroshock therapy. It's pretty interesting if you get the time to read up about it

Okie, that's all folks! At least, I think that's all the reviewers. If I missed something, then yeah, sorry! Feel free to e-mail me with questions or anything! The e-mail's on my profile page since they don't let me put it here so…yeah. Well, I'll try to update soon! XD

I really need to be less of a slacker…


	10. Double edged surprise

__

It's tempting to just crawl back under my sheets when my mother knocks on my door, the smell of French toast wafting under the door from the kitchen. "Kairi, honey, time to wake up!" she calls, her voice extra cheerful this morning. I return to school today, and this time she's taken the day off to drive me, afraid of a repeat of the last attempt at sending me back into my normal routine.

Groaning, I throw my pillow at the door, huddled under my blanket for a moment before emerging. I don't want to go back yet, but I've delayed it long enough. I sit on my bed, deep in thought for a moment, wondering if I can really manage this before going to my closet. Dressing, I look in the full length mirror on the wall, teasing my hair with a comb when I catch sight of my bureau behind me and the pictures on it.

"Sora? Riku? What do you think about this?" I turn around and ask them, picking up one of the pictures, a memory captured in a flash. "I need you guys here with me. How else am I going to face everybody?"

Their smiling faces don't answer, no voice in my head like in movies. I sigh, running a finger along the frame. I still need them with me. Turning the frame over, I remove the picture, folding it carefully and placing it in my pocket. It holds little comfort, but at least it's something.

"Kairi! Hurry up or you'll be late for school!" my mother calls again. She sounds impatient now, worried. I obey before she comes up to my room and checks on me. Just as I thought, she is halfway up the stairs when I enter the hall.

"Oh, honey, there you are," she says, one arm around my shoulders as she leads me downstairs and the other fixing my hair. I try to brush her hand away, but she doesn't respond. As soon as I am seated, she brings a plate of food for me, the smell of cinnamon and syrup stimulating my senses. Sudden hunger hits me and I dig in, ravaged.

Breakfast is a strange affair, my mother watching me eat as she sips coffee with a smile on her face though I catch worry in her eyes. I make sure she doesn't see me notice it, washing down my mouthful of French toast with a sip of orange juice. Neither of us says a word until I stand to put my plate in the sink.

"All ready honey?" she asks, placing her cup down quickly and grabbing her keys off of the counter. She seems eager to get me to school and hope I say there this time, reverting to my old self. I nod and grab my backpack, heading out the door. On my way out, I see she didn't drink her coffee. She must have just been pretending, watching me the entire time.

The car pulls up to the school and my heart suddenly races. Here I am. Without the boys. I'm supposed to pretend they never existed. I stay staring at the school until Mother comes around and opens my door, helping me out.

"Kairi!" a girl calls and I look for the source. Selphie comes racing toward me, tackling me in a hug. Wakka and Tidus are right behind her, trying to pry her off before she strangles me with her death grip.

"I'm so glad you're back!" she laughs, releasing me as I massage my shoulder. "We thought we'd help you settle back in again." How thoughtful. Even without them saying it, I can tell they're also there to keep me from doing anything rash. After the last time I tried to return to school and the other day at the beach, they think I might do something dangerous.

"Ya, we're here for you," Wakka says, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about anything," Tidus adds, trying to take my book bag as I push him off. "We'll handle everything." Seeing me refuse to relinquish my bag, he links arms with me instead as the other two walk on my other side.

Selphie chatters animatedly as we walk the halls, telling me all that has happened since I was last here, but her words never reach my ear. My attention is focused on the other students we pass, most of them quietly watching me or whispering. As we pass where Sora's and Riku's lockers were, I look away, even more whispers and glances of pity exchanged.

"Don't listen to them, Kairi," someone tells me. It's Tidus, noticing my uneasiness. "They just don't know how to keep to their own businesses." With that, he sends glares at them all, looking ready to fight if anyone said a word. I give a small smile to him, not really comforted. At least he tried.

Reaching my homeroom, Tidus and Wakka depart for their own classes, leaving Selphie to lead me to my seat. Just walking in I gain a multiple amount of glances. Attendance is about to be called, and I notice a seat empty set off to the side. Sora's. The same thing would happen in Riku's class.

"Kairi? Kairi dear," the teacher calls, gently though bordering on impatient.

"Oh, present," I reply. She gives me a smile as she adjusts her glasses, mouthing "Welcome back" before moving onto the next person. I sink into my seat again, looking out the window. I'd do anything to be elsewhere right now. What was I thinking when I agreed I was ready to return?

I feel like I'm in a zoo, trapped behind walls and glass as people look and wonder about me. I'm not sure what is worse, the strange looks from people who think I'm eccentric or the pity I receive from them.

The teacher begins reading the announcements, but I tune out, not caring whether or not the football team is having a game today or the procrastinators club has cancelled yet another meeting. My after school activity had always been hanging out with my friends. For once, I realize I have nothing to do after school.

Selphie taps me on the shoulder, passing a note to me. Opening it up, I see it's from some girl a few rows down. Sophie, that's her name. I don't talk to her much, always involved in my own little group.

Kairi,

Sorry about what happened, hope you're okay, I'll be available to talk with anytime. Good luck with everything.

-Sophie

Another note lands on my desk, and a couple more tossed over my shoulder. All read similar things. Crumbling them discretely, I let them fall to my lap. Pity or do those people just want attention? They never talked to me before. It seems that people are nice to each other only when something bad happens and they feel sorry for me. I think that's the only reason for the attention I'm getting.

I am saved from having to reply to any of the notes when a student enters the class, delivering a piece of paper to the teacher before leaving. "Kairi, you need to go to the counselor's office," she announces, reading the note.

"I'll go with her!" Selphie volunteers, jumping out of her seat. The teacher shakes her head and glares at her. "No, I don't need more students miss lessons!" Selphie slinks back into her seat, sinking behind the table a little bit. I feel sorry too. It would be nice to have someone with me. Getting of my seat, I ignore the stares from my classmates as I walk down the aisle, collecting my hall pass before going out into the hall.

My footsteps echo in the empty hall, the door to the office looming closer and closer. Somehow, the halls seem longer. It's a little intimidating, white walls surrounding me. I don't know why, but I feel as if I should be afraid.

My hand rests on the doorknob of the counselor's office and I bite my lip nervously. I've never had to come here before. I don't know what to expect. I should've known that I'd get at least one visit to the counselor. Hopefully this is the only one. Slowly, I open the door and sit in a chair inside the room, waiting for my turn.

Chapter 10

I rub at the bandages around my wrists, sitting on my bed with my back against the wall. The thick cloth is irritating, and nothing I do helps it. "Leave it alone, honey," a nurse tells me, setting a tray down on my bed stand and unscrewing a bottle on it. I've been put on antidepressants, the idiots here blaming my injuries on depression. Once again they don't believe me, not accepting the excuse that it was an accident.

I don't listen, tugging at the white strips until she pulls my hand away. Ignoring my glare, she hands me the pills in the cap and a cup of water. I swallow them under her watchful eyes. God, this woman is almost as bad as Mary. Thankfully the real witch of the west is off today. Satisfied as I grimace and sip the water, she takes the cup from me and leaves.

"Good riddance," I mutter, collapsing on my bed. Someone checks up on me every half and hour now. They really don't trust me anymore, believing I might hurt myself again when they least expect it. Just because I'm in a mental institute doesn't mean they can't believe me when I say it was an accident!

It isn't even ten minutes when the door opens again. I sit up, ready to throw my pillow when I notice who it is. "Good day, Kairi," greets Dr. Mason as she shuts the door. I fall back again, my pillow over my face. I really don't feel like talking to her right now. Ignoring me, the bed bounces a bit as she sits by my feet.

"Decided to come see you instead of the other way around," she tells me, pulling the pillow away and placing it on her lap. I reluctantly sit up, refusing to look at her in the eyes. She seems to be doing the same, smoothing the surface of the already starched pillowcase.

"It's perfectly normal," she finally speaks up, now fluffing the sack of stuffing on her lap. "Depression is very common in young teens. Even my own daughter suffers from it." There it goes again, depression. "There's always someone who cares for you, Kairi," she continues. "It's not worth it to hurt yourself."

I want to scream that it was an accident, that I just lost it for a split second. I hadn't been meaning to kill myself. I had thought of it after the mirror shattered, but I know I don't want that. I don't say anything though. Who would believe a mental institute patient whether or not they are sane anyway?

My gaze wanders for a moment until she puts a hand on my cheek, turning me to face her. She is smiling now, taking my hand until I stand up. "So many people care about you that I have a little surprise." It better not be an extra session. I haven't had one for the past couple of days, and the rest is doing me loads of good. My head is much clearer than ever before. Still, Dr. Mason's announcement intrigues me as she walks me toward the door, knocking until the attendant waiting outside opens it. Motioning for me to follow, I abide as we head the opposite way from her office.

The door we stop at looks familiar and I try to remember when I saw it last as Dr. Mason opens the door. Instantly, I am smothered as something, or someone, collides with me, strangling me with a vice-like embrace. It takes me a moment to notice there are more than one person.

"Kairi! We hope you're okay!" a familiar voice pipes up as I struggle to free myself from a tangle of limbs, gasping from the impact. It is a little hard to breath, something in my face. After a moment the mass of bodies around me shifts and I take a deep breath, looking up to see my attackers. Wakka, Selphie, and Tidus stand before me, all grinning ear to ear. I quickly hide my bandaged wrists behind my back.

"How are you feeling?" Wakka speaks out, chuckling as he rubs the back of his neck. So it was him trying to stifle me, or at least his broad chest as he hugged me. He looks unsure of what to do for a moment, giving me a light punch in the shoulder like he normally does.

The younger boy flashes his silly half-smile, laughing a bit. "You should've seen your face, Kairi," Tidus grins, looking smug. I can't help a little smile, barely noticeable but there. What are they doing here? Dr. Mason answers my question for me.

"Well, honey, you seemed to be a little stressed lately," she says. Because of the mirror thing? "I thought maybe a change of scenery might do a little good," she continues. "Sometimes just being around people you're familiar can remind you that you are loved."

I look around at them all, at their smiling faces. I still haven't said a word since walking in here, speechless. Happiness mixed with confusion runs through my mind. I sink into my thoughts, not hearing most of Dr. Mason's words until something catches my attention.

"…go home for the weekend," she finishes, smiling as my expression turns to one of shock. Did she just say what I think she said? "I thought a day pass, or in this case, a weekend pass, would cheer you up a bit. How does that sound?" It sounds fantastic to me, but at the same time it seems too good to be true. It IS too good to be true. She said for the weekend. After that, I'd be back here, locked up. It's almost cruel how they want to wave something like freedom in my face before whisking it away. I almost don't want to go.

Looking around, I don't see my parents. So my friends care for me more than they do. Makes me want so much more not to return home. Selphie hugs my arm and I finally notice I am staring blankly at the ground. Looking up, I see her smiling.

"This will be good for you," she insists. "I promise." I don't have to ask Tidus and Wakka to know they think the same, nodding in agreement. "This will be so much fun." Fun? What can I do? I miss my room, my bed, everything, but I don't want to have it all and lose it again. It was hard enough the first time.

The choice seems to have already been made as Dr. Mason takes my arm again, leading me to the door. "Isn't this nice? Let's get you changed so you can go home," she smiles cheerfully, my friends waving as I follow the doctor into the hall. "Such kind friends you have," she comments. "See? People really do care about you."

Coming back to my room, I already see an outfit on my bed, the outfit I had come here in. Running my hand over the pale purple and white material that now seemed foreign to me, I look at the door as Dr. Mason leaves me, closing the shades outside my door so I can have a little privacy.

My clothes feel strange as they replace the paper thin drabs of the hospital clothes that fall to the floor. It takes a little fumbling before I get my shoes on, adjusting my skirt. My armbands and my necklace lie on the bed. I haven't seen them since I came here, everything taken from me. The thalassa shell necklace is easy to put on, but I hesitate on the armbands. I already have the bandages on my wrists, I don't think I need anything else. Sliding them in my pocket, I wish they hadn't taken the mirror after the incident. How much have I changed?

Brushing my hair behind my ear, the door opens as Dr. Mason returns, giving me a motherly smile. "You look so pretty dear, your parents are going to be so glad," she tells me, pulling a comb from her pocket as she attempts to fix my unruly locks. I turn away, finding it annoying. Any signs of affection from anyone are alien now. I prefer to keep it that way as I remember the first time I came here.

Something moves in the doorway and I see Anna being led away by an attendant. She probably caused some kind of trouble again, but that wouldn't bother her. It wouldn't explain the pained expression on her face, one of longing and sadness. She doesn't seem to notice the small wave I send her, peeling herself reluctantly from sight as the attendant tugs on her arm.

The doctor leads me back to the common room, white halls flowing away. I'll be back. Nothing will be different. I'll be dragged back here and the walls will continue to scare me. They will probably haunt my dreams wherever I am.

Taking a last look behind me, I worry about Anna. What could that have been about? It wasn't as if I was leaving. The bandages and the wristband confirm that. There would be no way I could truly be released after that assumed suicide attack. No, it must have been something else. I'll have to talk to her when I get back.

Selphie hugs me again as soon as I return, Wakka and Tidus talking with Dr. Mason. "This is going to be fun," she tells me again, and I crack a weak smile at her cheerfulness. Wakka is signing some forms after giving Dr. Mason a note most likely from my parents, Tidus straining to read over his shoulder. My friends act so normal, or at least they seem to be trying to. I know I should try to act normal as well, though things won't be the same.

As soon as things are taken care of, Wakka comes and places an arm around my shoulder in a brotherly fashion. Another forced smile from me. I still can't feel any comfort from my friends, but I do appreciate their efforts.

"Take care, and don't be afraid to call me if you have any problems, Kairi," Dr. Mason tells me, giving me a hug as she hands me a card. "Try to relax a little and I hope you'll feel well enough when you get back that we can continue your sessions again."

"I'll…try," I mumble, more just to answer though not meaning it. Great. I don't want to go home and I don't want to be here. No where left to go. Wakka walks me to the second door in the room, the one that leads to outside, the one I've dreamed of walking out and not having to ever walk back through again. From my peripheral vision, I see Dr. Mason handing a pill bottle and a sheet of what looked like instructions to Selphie. Damn, why Selphie? Why not Tidus? He wouldn't make me take the pills. They're probably antidepressants or something. Now I'll really have Selphie hovering around me. It would be nice if she hadn't decided long ago to be a nurse and assigned me to be her first patient.

Behind me, Dr. Mason shouts a final goodbye as the door closes. It leads to a hallway, past a receptions desk, and out to a parking lot, the visitor's entrance. The sun beats down mercilessly, blinding me for a moment. When was the last time I was outside.

"Over there, Kairi," Tidus points to a car. His mother waits, the window rolled down and the radio on. Fanning herself with a magazine, she unlocks the doors and starts the car as Wakka and Selphie nudge me in, putting me in the middle of them in the back seat. My parents couldn't even come pick me up?  
"Hello dear, I hope you're feeling better," Tidus's mother says, adjusting the air conditioner. "Your parents couldn't get out of work, so I came to pick you up." So my father sees his job more important that me? Sure, he is mayor, but couldn't he take a couple hours off to show he cared?

The hospital is an hour away from town, and the car ride is mostly quiet save for Selphie's blabbering in the uncomfortable silence. I find myself slouched in my seat, resting on Wakka's shoulder for support as he falls asleep, leaning on the window. Support from my friends. If there's anything I really need, it's them.

Eventually the talking fades away as the other girl falls asleep and Tidus's mother turns on the radio. The soft music lulls me into a trance, the gentle rocking of the car somewhat soothing. Somewhere about half way home, I begin to drift into a nap like the rest of my friends, leaving our driver singing along softly with the radio.

The car stops with a jolt, and I moan softly, pushing myself up to look out the window. Home already? The house sits looking just as it did before, waiting for me to return. I feel a longing to get up to my room as fast as I can, seeing a ghostly past self of me in my window. Suddenly all thoughts of not wanting to come home flees.

Wakka and Selphie rouse slowly as I nudge them, Tidus coming to his senses as his mother opens his door and he almost falls out. "Welcome home, Kairi," Selphie smiles sleepily, rubbing her eyes as she unlocks the door. Almost impatiently, I scramble out as fast as I can. For a minute, I just stand in the front yard, breathing in air that was fresh instead of the stale sorry excuse for air at the institute.

"Nice to be back, ya?" Wakka grins, holding up keys to me. The house keys. My parents must have left them to him. For the first time, a genuine smile crosses my face as I take it, running up to the front door.

"Hey! Wait up!" Tidus calls, finally fully awake as he untangles himself from his seat belt. I ignore him, fumbling with the keys until the lock clicks. The first lock that I had the keys for. As I open the door, I hear him muttering as the others jog after me, "She's quieter now, but doesn't look like she runs any slower."

"I'm home," I whisper, forgetting my limited time I have here. As soon as I crossed the threshold, I feel like I never want to leave again. The house smells anything but sterile and I inhale the scent, racing up the stairs to my room. My friends stay downstairs, Tidus's mother going to the kitchen to make something to drink.

I just want to assure myself that I am home, make sure I'm out of Cypress Grove, at least temporarily. My bedroom door is closed, as if my parents couldn't stand being reminded of me when I was gone. Throwing it open, I find it just how I left it. They must have refused to come in here as well.

My room has picked up a slightly musty spell, dust particles visible in the stream of sun from the window. Still, the sight is amazing to me, a room that I'm not trapped in. A room of my own.

The first thing I do is run my hand along my shelf, dusting off the pictures sitting on it. The weekend is supposed to be normal, but it will never be normal as long as I'm missing my friends. I turn away to drop on my bed, grabbing my stuffed moogle Momo from amidst my pillows. Hugging him to my chest, I here a car drive into the driveway and a couple minutes later the front door open.

"Kairi! Kairi, honey. We're home!" shouts a familiar voice. My mother. I can here the voice of my father chattering to my friends and I draw Momo closer to me, my only comfort. He's the only one whose views of me will never change. I feel uncomfortable to go and greet my own family. How normal can this weekend be?

Author's notes: I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY! Yes, I know it's taken me a while to update. I've been very distracted lately, especially since school just started. I knew I shouldn't have signed up for so many extra curricular activities…Anyway, it's too hard for me to promise that I can get another chapter out in two weeks or less, so I won't, but I'll try. It took me a while to figure out what was going to even happen in this chapter, and parts of it doesn't even make sense. I doubt they'd actually give her a weekend pass if they think she just tried to kill herself, but it seemed as if some people were getting a little tired of the hospital, so just a temporary, short change of scenery. Probably only for the next chapter or two. Still, I guess it's possible. Depression is sometimes said to be helped by having others around you to try to help you, so this might work. Oh gosh, I'd never thought I'd get this many reviews from people. Thank you! XD

Kintora- There, a little break from the asylum! Lol, no way I'm going to kill her, just make her suffer. Hehe, camp must have REALLY been bad if you're comparing it to the asylum. Did you have a Mary-like figure there too?

October Breeze-::hugs:: Thank you for reading my other story too! I'm sorry I'm taking so long! I'll try harder! ::starts typing as fast as she could until her fingers fall off::

Ed- hehe, sorry she doesn't find out, but she will when she gets back to the hospital. Don't worry, though, she will eventually find out!

Ud- Oh gosh, still with the cult dudes thing? Lol

Chibi Trowa B- Grr…never never? Sorry about boring you. Still, you ARE very picky sometimes…

Shady Fetish-Thankies! Trying very hard to get over it! It's a very big block…0o

Tsuka- hehe, I hope I didn't freak out that much! If that was bad, I recommend you stay away from my other story. That might just give you nightmares :D

aliasfan- Lol, I see a potential Mary and Mason-hater fan club president! Oooh…fries…

Maroon- Hehe, strange thing is that I wasn't really thinking Girl Interrupted when I started it, but I saw the book at the library the other day and thought the same thing. Kudos to you for being the first other one to notice it! As for waiting until the next game comes out, I was considering it, but I doubt it, but if I keep taking this long on updates, maybe!

Kagami Eizou- Awww, can't be one of the best! But thanks!

Kriss Kay-Kinda? Sorry! I'll try to make it clearer from now on!

Cold-Blade-Lol, don't worry, she will remember! …..Eventually!

Miaku-Astradah- Awww…::hugs:: I think murder will get her in more trouble than she already is! But I agree! Anna seems much cooler!

Akaineko- Ah…violence definitely a possibility…wonder how many ways are there to kill Dr. Mason…

Black-Rose72- Thanks! Well, since you just reviewed a few days ago, despite the actual time it's taken me, does this count as updating soon? ::hopeful::

Oh gosh, one more thing before I finish up, be sure to read A bone to pick by Moogle Mints! It's a kh story as well and written really well! That and she updates more frequently than me XD, so take a look if you want something to keep you going until I finally get ch.11 out, especially if you're a fan of Halloween Town in the game. Even if you're not, it's still really good! And no, I'm not saying this just because she's my friend. I really mean it!


	11. Changed Reality

Mr. Rawls sits at his desk, his hands folded on the surface. A rather big man, I can't keep my attention from shifting from his twitching black-dyed mustache. My own hands are folded on my lap as I avoid the hard brown eyes bearing down on me, the only movement from him adjusting his glasses or once running his fingers through his short salt-and-pepper hair.

The silence between us is ominous, like a shadow hanging in the air. I sit at the edge of my seat, uncomfortable. It is a silent standoff, neither of us willing to begin talking first. Each tick of the clock seems to take forever, the only silence in the room save from an occasional throat clearing from the bear of a man across from me.

"Kairi is it?" Mr. Rawls finally speaks up, his voice as deep as I imagined it. I heard once that he used to be a general in the army at one of the bigger nearby islands. It's believable since Sora and Riku claim he commands the boys P.E. class as if they were in a boot camp. He doesn't wait for me to answer before launching into what sounded like a very practiced speech he must have gotten from some school counselor handbook.

"Kairi, I've heard of what happened, and everyone is there to help you through this time or hardship. Loss is inevitable in life, and the best thing to do is to move on. They were good men, boys, I mean, though Sora never did try hard enough during class to get his lazy butt up the rope…" he trails off as he goes off topic, rubbing his chin in one hand. I reckon that wasn't part of the speech. I can't help hiding a small giggle behind my hand as I feint a cough. Sounded like Sora alright.

By now, he is standing, becoming wrapped up in the words as he paces around the room. Mr. Rawls rests a hand on the back of my chair, looking out the window behind his desk as if searching for the right words on the glass.

"Okay, listen kid," he sighs, groping for what to say. "Tragedies happen and there's nothing you can do about it. Go through the pain and move on." And…how did he become school counselor? I should be looking for the door to the other worlds instead of wasting my time in him.

His monotonous jabber passes into one ear and out the other as I think about more important things. The door continues to flash in my mind, appearing and disappearing into the rock wall. The soft buzzing of Rawls's speech is making me drowsy, a muddle of boredom and a soft, slightly soothing hum as I tune him out.

O

There is the door again, large and solid looking. I can make out the details in it, the carvings someone had carefully carved into its surface. The door to the other worlds, back again? Hesitantly I reach my hand out, doubting the tangibility of the exact object I've been searching for in the past few days.

The wood is solid and hard. I can feel every grain beneath my fingers as I run them over the carvings. "Sora, Riku," I whisper, watching the door in awe. It has reappeared. Does that mean they have returned? That any moment they would walk through that door and I can throw my arms around them?

The door seems to shudder and I jump back, watching in wonder as it opens. Yes! Light streams into the cavern from the other side and I pry at the door, desperate, but it doesn't seem to want to open more than a crack. No, why won't it open? The door refuses to budge no matter how much I pull, desperate to open it wide enough to let me through.

Sounds become audible as I cease the tug-o-war with the door and I peer around the edge, blinking from the bright light. Slowly everything becomes clear and I see a figure in the distance, two strangely shaped silhouettes by his sides. Something long rested casually over his shoulder as the three stroll along a long road, a castle up ahead. That spiked hair…that stride…

"Sora! Sora!" I cry out, now desperate to move the door to no avail. "Sora! It's Kairi!" I began screaming until my voice is sore, the gap in the doorway closing and cutting me off. He doesn't here me as my cries grow more frantic.

Black shapes move under the ground, sliding under his feet like…like Shadow Heartless! They creep up on the unaware group, yellow eyes glowing malevolently. In the back of my mind I know he can take care of himself, but I still fear for him. Every time he battles with heartless there's a chance he might not make it no matter how small a chance it is.

I see him in my dreams in the middle of fights, each time never coming away completely unscathed. I'm thankful to death for potions and the magic spell Curaga, but it still worries me, more than a mother worries about her son. Like a friend, or maybe something more. I was in his heart once, and now…I think…a part of him is in me. He'd already lost his heart once because of me, turned into a heartless. I couldn't stand looking into those yellow eyes and seeing him trapped behind those glowing orbs. I have to warn them…

The sliver of a gap in the door slowly disappears as the heartless advance on him. I dig my fingers into the crack, trying futilely to force it open. No, at least let me see if he'll be fine…I can't stop the flood of tears from frustration and sadness rushing down my cheeks. Finally, I let go, my mind accepting that it is useless. Magnified through a teardrop Sora finally whirls, his keyblade raised in the air as he slashes at the heartless. Attacking a heartless while his companions deal with their own. That is the last I see of him as the door shuts firmly close.

Cool air from the stone under my hands enhance the silence as I kneel there in defeat. Every time I come so close, he is ripped away. It is worse than not seeing him at all. At the same time, I am relieved to know he is still there. I no longer have dreams about Riku or where he's at. The dreams of Sora torment me, but at the same time they relieve a bit of my worry. Is the pain worth the relief?

A wind blows through the cave, first whistling softly then carrying the clanging of a sword and whispering in Sora's voice, his promise to me. "Kairi. Remember what you said before? I'm always with you, too. I'll come back to you. I promise!"

They just can't leave me alone. I can't get him out of my mind, can't just ignore everything that had happened and is happening. Anger runs through my body as I clench my fist until my nails draw blood from my palm. The pain is nothing. I really have changed since I left the island. Pounding my fists into the ground as tears of frustration pours out of my eyes, I scream one name. "Sora!"

O

_"Sora!" the name tears from my throat as I thrash against something restraining me by my shoulders. Someone is calling my name, a man by the sound of his voice. I snap out of my dream, remembering where I am. School. Counselor's office. I must have fallen asleep while he was talking. Mr. Rawls grips my shoulders, a look of fear meeting mine of confusion. _

"Kairi, are you all right?" He looks more scared than me, an interesting picture. Who knew a big guy like him could be terrified of a little girl like me? I can only nod mutely as he looks over me carefully until he finally lets go. He paces behind his desk as I sit back, gripping the arm rests. "Never should have volunteered to be the counselor," he mutters. I'd be talking to myself as well if my voice didn't seem to have gone for the moment.

Mr. Rawls paces his office and looks uncomfortable, scratching his head furiously. I'm as distraught as he is, only I deal with it in silence, still in shock from the realistic dream. Finally, he sits down. A good fifteen minutes later.

"Okay, kid, I'm not really the best person to deal with these things," he tells me. That's obvious. "I'm going to recommend you to a few friends of mine and call your parents. They can choose what they want from there."

"Recommend me for what?" I ask, not liking the idea of my parents being involved. Was I in trouble? What had I done?

"No, just to see a psychologist or psychiatrist or somebody. Never could remember the difference between them. Never received a very high score in the class either." A psych-something? Does he mean a shrink?

"But I'm not crazy," I begin to say but stop. Am I? Why else would I be having strange dreams. Sane people don't bang on cave walls looking for doors or crying out in the middle of dreams. But I'd thought Sora had been strange when he started telling me about weird dreams. And now he's gone and nobody believes me on what happened. Maybe I do need to see somebody.

"…and just…get some rest," the nervous counselor continues, rambling a bit. He is nudging me toward the door, eager to get the screaming girl out of his office as soon as possible. Figures. He's probably never had anyone who hadn't come to him to spill every problem on their mind as an excuse to get out of class.

I stand alone in the hall, speechless that I've just been kicked out of the counselor's office. So much help he was. The note he gave me with the psychologist's name crinkles as I unfold it. Dr. Cordin. Reading it over a few times, I slip it in my pocket. I don't need help. They can't help at all. They just think I've lost it. In disgust, I begin walking down the corridor, and a bell rings overhead. In moments, students pour out of doors lining the walls, and I am lost in the crowds leaving the useless Mr. Rawls in the counselor's office behind me.

****

Chapter 11

"Kairi! Heads up!" A white and blue ball craters the sand next to me as I duck, a gasp escaping my mouth. Tidus and Wakka race by after it, the comical pair competing to retrieve it first. I can't help giggling as I watch them, plowing through Selphie's sand castle a little way down the beach.

"You two are in big trouble!" Selphie gives a cry of dismay at her ruined creation and takes after them, nunchuka in hand, in a flurry of sand. Laughing, I sit back in the sand under the umbrella.

My friends haven't wasted a minute of my weekend out. First thing in the morning they'd come over, a day on the beach waiting for us. It feels weird being out here, almost normal. I half expect more voices of Sora and Riku sparring by the waterfall. In a way, I almost welcome the absence of the two of them. Even what remained of the raft has long been removed.

Tidus's cries of protest catch my attention as I look his way where Wakka has him in a headlock and between him and Selphie as a shield. Two boys against one girl doesn't seem very fair to me even if Selphie doesn't seem to need the help. Running after them, I jump on Wakka's back, knocking all of us to the ground.

"Feeling better, ya?" Wakka laughs as he tosses me into the sand. "That's the first time I've heard you laugh so much since…" Selphie silences him by throwing his own ball into his face.

"It's…it's okay," I give him a big smile to prove it. "I guess the sun's really helping." That slight reminder hurts a little bit, but I try not to let it faze me for now. I plan to take a look in the secret place later anyway. Besides, I these three are trying so hard and I deserve a little break from worrying.

They've been giving me so attention, I sort of feel bad. I barely missed them while I was in Cyprus Grove because I've been thinking about Sora and Riku, and I wonder how I could have ever forgot about them. As Selphie and I watch, Tidus and Wakka wrestle each other, the older boy getting the hand easily as Tidus struggles out of his grip. Slipping through like a snake, they shoot off down the beach doing whatever boys like to do. Selphie shouts warnings after them to be careful and giggles.

"It's so good to have another girl around here," she really seems to mean it, resting her elbow on my shoulder. "Now I've got someone to gossip to! Did I tell you about how Tidus embarrassed himself trying to give Yuna a note in class? He's really got a bad crush on her no matter what he says." Rambling on for a moment, I laugh.

"Sounds like I missed a lot," I giggle.

"Yeah you did." Selphie nods. "But don't worry, I'll get you all caught up! Did I tell you about the girl Lulu who keeps ignoring Wakka no matter how much he tries to talk to her? You know, the one in his grade? She…" I raise a hand to cut her off, taking a moment for my laughter to settle.

"Actually, can you tell me a little later? I'm going to take a walk." All this talk about school and the normalcy is a little overwhelming. She looks a little disappointed but nods as I get up. "Besides, I think Tidus is coming back this way, and Wakka's not too far behind with…looks like he's got your nunchuka." As soon as I finish saying that, sand picks around us and we cover our heads, screaming in the shower.

"Get back here! That's mine!" Selphie takes off after them, and I watch them for a while before they disappear up a ladder, the chase resuming up in one of the tree houses. Shaking me head with a smile, I walk the other way. Crossing the bridge, I sit in the paopu fruit tree.

It's peaceful despite my friends' voices drifting in the gentle breeze. I watch the waves, the water crashing below. Closing my eyes, I listen, absorbing the smell of salty water, the rustling of leaves, and the whispers of old promises as I block out the sounds of everything else.

I clear my mind, pushing back the memory of one time shortly after I returned to Destiny Island where I sat in this same place, a paopu fruit in my hands and trying to feed the image of Sora and Riku in the water that I had imagined. Only this time, no paopu hang on the tree, no sign of the mysterious fruit with its mythical soul mate properties. Funny how this is the first time I've come here and no star shaped fruit, not even a tiny unripe one peeks from the leaves. It's unnerving how everything has changed, even in the slightest way. Fine then, I don't need a paopu. Just a comfortable, familiar place to sit.

Clear blue water casts my reflection back to me as I search once more for the glimpse of Sora and Riku I'd seen last time, yearning just for a little flash of a reminder. There's always that connection I have with them in my heart, stronger with Sora, but as I grasp that small light and look into the water, I can see only myself. Strange. Straining once more, a face shimmers over the surface, but not of the boys. A girl's face, blond hair and sad eyes, shows against a shadow, the silhouette of my friends. Gasping, I pull away, catching my balance before I fall out of the tree as I look behind me, hands steadying me by my shoulders.

It's not a girl's face I see but a boy's, spiked blue-black hair falling over blue eyes watching me curiously. "Sora?" I whisper as I look into the eyes, but suddenly the look is gone, a stranger's face replacing it.

"Who's Sora? My name's Roka," the boy frowns, helping me up. "I'm new to Destiny Islands." Roka. Not Sora. Still, something about him reminds me of Sora. Actually, a bit of him reminds me of Riku too. The blue eyes they all share? Maybe the spiky hair all boys seem to have some kind of variation of nowadays?

Roka watches me carefully, searching my face for a moment as I stare at him. "What," he asks, a hand moving to his cheek. "Do I have something there?"

"Um…no, it's nothing," I look away. Roka walks around, resting an elbow on the tree next to me. Sort of examining me as if trying to decide what to make of the strange girl before him. Quickly, I look down to my hands in my lap, embarrassed.

"What's your name?" he asks. "I haven't seen you before. Are you new too?" I shake my head, not sure what to answer. You can't just tell someone you just got out of a mental institution for the weekend. Talking with crazy people usually makes people uncomfortable.

"No, I've…I've been away for a while," I finally get out. "I'm Kairi. I'm sort of just visiting for a couple of days." I pause a beat to search his face for recognition, hoping he hasn't heard of the loony girl yet. To my relief, he just nods, smiling a bit.

"Kairi. That's a pretty name." Someone who doesn't know about me. It feels nice not to have someone treating me as if I was sick or a child. Easing up a bit, I brush my bangs out of my face, a small smile tugging at my lips.

A voice calls my name and I turn around, a breathless trio running toward me. "Kairi! There you are!" Tidus, Wakka and Selphie gasp for breath as soon as they reach me, Tidus holding up a hand as if signaling me to wait until he could talk. "We've been looking all over for you!" he finally makes out, each word individual.

"But I just told Selphie I was going for a walk," I point out. I sigh, suddenly feeling engulfed in too much worry and babying all over again. I look toward Roka and try to act casual, giving a small shrug.

Selphie seems to still be catching her breath. That or her mouth is open for a different reason as she stared dreamily at Roka. Waving a hand in front of her face with no reaction, Wakka shrugs and nudges her with his elbow. "Selphie, you there, ya?"

"Just ignore her, Roka. She just has a c-r-u- oww!" Tidus is cut off by Selphie's foot meeting his shin, the other girl miraculously alive again. The rest of us laugh at Tidus's protests.

"Hey, guys, just introducing myself to Kairi here," Roka grins. Nodding toward the other three, he asks, "Friends of yours?"

I nod, but before I can answer, Wakka does for me. "Ya, we've known her since she first moved here. She's just been away…to…somewhere else lately." To me, he says, "And Roka here's the new kid in class. He's in some of the classes with me at school."

Roka nods, cutting the other boy off before he could talk some more. "Yeah, my mom and I just got here a couple weeks ago. I've been home schooled all my life, but luckily, there were some openings at your school." My mouth goes dry as I note that those "openings" were Sora's and Riku's spots. With the forced smile that I've gotten a lot of practice with by now, I nod.

"Hey, man, do you wanna hang out with us tomorrow?" Tidus asks. "I'm guessing Kairi'll just want to stay here on the beach most of the day, so we'll have a picnic and everything. And I still want that rematch!"

"Come on, you know you can't beat me," Roka boasts. "I took all three of you on last week and buried you in the sand." As if to prove it, he grabs Tidus's stick, whipping it around in a complex pattern. Another excellent swordsman. Suddenly he seems like he's almost replacing Riku and Sora on this island slowly. A headache creeps up and I close my eyes for a second, tapping Selphie on the shoulder.

"Um, I'm not feeling very well. Do you think we can go home now?" Selphie looks worried, immediately placing a hand on my forehead. I know she won't feel any sign of a fever. I just suddenly feel a little uncomfortable here.

Selphie frowns as she nods, putting a hand on my arm. "Sure. We'll just let the boys," she wrinkles her nose playfully, "do whatever boys do. We can come back tomorrow. Don't want you to take everything too hard on your first day back."

Roka leaves Wakka and Tidus arguing about who's a better fighter, coming over and taking my hand. "It was nice meeting you, Kairi," he smiles, shaking it. "I'll see you tomorrow." Bending his head, his lips brush the back of my hand in a gentlemanly kiss. A light blush rises to my cheeks as he returns to the other boys.

"Ooh! I think he likes you!" Selphie croons on the walk back over the bridge. "Every girl at school has a crush on him. And he's so sweet too! Not like Tidus and Wakka…" I begin blocking out her drones of romantic date scenarios. Roka really is nice. So much like…the other two in a way. It hurts to be near him because of the reminders, but something about him just seems different.

………………………………................................................................................................

Author's notes: Oye, yes, this has taken me forever to update, but after school started, I had a lot of personal problems. I kept starting to write, but I kept getting distracted by something else that was happening. Then I've been coming in and out of depressing moods, so it's hard to get into the mood of writing. And I was really busy with

cross-country, then made the mistake of joining the dragonboat team even if the practice days were the same days I have martial arts. Too much stress. Not too many good days. But! At least I finally got around to working on it! I'm trying to get more into writing, but I can't promise my next chapter will be too soon, so if I haven't lost you as a reader yet, probably putting me on author alert is your best bet on catching the next chapter when I'm finished. I'm so sorry for the long wait, but things have just been weird. Don't worry! I've got ever intent to finish this story eventually,

Emotional Breakdown: hehe, sorry about not being able to update sooner. But I'm definitely going to try!

October Breeze:I was? Well, probably not anymore since I've been slacking so much:P I hope I haven't lost you because of the long wait!

Ud the Imp: Okie, you two try not to kill each other! Points to Ud for figuring out the double edged meaning of the chapter title! A sword was exactly what I was thinking of when I titled it!

Shady Fetish: Yeah, it's good for her to be out. Too bad this time isn't permanent.

TheWyldWind: An….animal? Um…I'll have to think about that. I'm trying to keep to the actual games as much as possible in a way, and I'm pretty sure Riku wouldn't turn into an animal.

Kintora: Good think your Mary-like counselor is in the past. Now you have to worry about those sickeningly fake sweet Mary-like teachers! Ha, you should meet my history teacher!

Byn: You said one week to one month. How about nearly four months? ::hides in case of anything thrown at her::

aliasfan: I hope I didn't take too long! And if you liked the institution scenes, don't worry! They'll return in a few chapters!

Black-Rose72: whoa, wonderful in all caps? Awww, thanks! Is this time long enough for you to expect a new chapter?

Miaku-Astradah: ::gasp:: something will? Well, we'll just have to see!

Kawaii-rae: SQUEAKY! ::hugs her to death::

obliviousroyalty: ::cowers:: Okay! Okay! No promises though!…………Is this who I think it is?:P

Anna Marie Raven: I guess I imagined there had to be more of the island than shown in the game. Otherwise, where would the others have lived? My guess was that the beach was on a secluded part of the island where they usually had to take boats to and they ended up hanging out there a lot. That or it was really a small separate island that kids like to go play on. Um…Chain of Memories? Me? Nope! ::hiding gameboy under table::

Yusukelover13: wow, thanks! I never thought I'd get an update that long after my last chapter! Lucky for you, that means this chapter will seen like it was updated really quickly!

Thanks, people for all the reviews! They really help motivate me into continuing! In fact, if it wasn't for you people and the feeling of guilt that I'd be letting you guys down, I probably wouldn't have gotten to finishing this chapter! ::big hug to all:: one more thing, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I was going to wait to post it then as a way of bringing in 2005, but my friend convinced me to not hold it off a day longer. You've all waited long enough already! ::hugs::


	12. Bottled memories

_"So, Katie, is it? Tell me how you feel." That is the fifth time in the past fifteen minutes he has mistaken my name. I glare at the psychiatrist from my position across the desk as the scrappy looking man in the revolting brown sweater vest plays with a sorry excuse for a beard in the reflection of his paperweight. The tapping of his pen is also starting to get on my nerves, and I resist the temptation to hurl it out the window. Might not be a bad idea to send him through too if it wouldn't mar the wonderful view of the beach outside._

_"It's Kairi." Not that he'd remember that. My parents are paying me to see a completely incompetent shrink who is actually worse than Mr. Rawls. And I hadn't thought that was possible._

_"Okay, Carrie, then. What has been bothering you? Your parents say you've been more quiet and getting into things." I give up trying to correct him, small crescent marks imprinted in my palm of my nails from clenching my fists so hard._

_So many things have been bothering me, from the worry of my friends to the confusion of the unknown flashes of visions. Oh, and the lack of understanding people seemed to have. _

_Now where should I start. Tell him how my two best friends and I disappear, and only I return? Leaving out the details would probably be a good thing. If I'm sitting in a shrink's office, he probably is convinced I'm mental. Really, I should be used to this by now. Why do I even bother anymore? _

_"Confused, frustrated, mad, sad," I recite in a bored tone, summing it all up in four words. It's way beyond those words, though, but I'm learning to tell early if someone is going to be much help or not. This man is the latter._

_"Good, good," he mumbles, nodding his head. "Now why is that? How does it make you feel?" _

_"How about confused, frustrated, mad, and sad?" I snap rudely. "And maybe because no one is really listening!" I'm practically yelling by then, but it only earns me a nod. Sighing, I slump in my seat, my head propped in my hand, elbow on the armrest. No one ever listens to me except maybe my friends. Even they always seemed a little distracted. I can remember having to always repeat myself, telling Sora what to get next for the raft until I was close to taking that wooden sword of his and bashing him over the head. And Riku, well, he was always too independent. He was the leader. Everyone listened to him. Why would he need to listen to anyone else? And me? I guess…I guess I was always just tagging along. No wonder no one listened to the girl._

_Immediately, I feel bad for my thoughts. Of course they listened to me. I'm just trying to find someone to take my anger out on, but I don't want it to be them. In fact, they've always been two of the few who did listen to me. It figures that without them, things seem so much lonelier. _

_The silence stretches out as I refuse to speak, only the scritch scratching of Dr. Lane's pen on his pad. Really, it's been two hours of sitting here and we've gotten no where. I know that we can't do anything unless I participate and try, but what's the use? I could walk out of here and he'd just continue on writing. He should have given up on the ink blot tests after seven answers of "nothing." A splotch, dark, shapeless, meaningless to me. The only thing they remind me of are shadows and an amorphous heartless lurking in the two dimensional depth of the paper. People usually answer with "animal" or "angel" or even "butterfly," don't they? And I'm trying really hard not to be put on medication._

"_I see," he mutters again. "And can you tell me why?" I am so close to just bashing my head open on his desk in frustration. _

_"No…" I answer stubbornly, slumping into the chair with a pout. I'm being childish. I know that, but I can't help it. Now I know why children feel so inferior to adults. The adults will try to do anything to appeal to the younger population, but it never works. Even this office was overdone, colorful paintings and bright plastic toys scattered in the corners. The cheerfulness is so fake, it's almost revolting. Child psychiatrist he calls himself? What child could play with toys while being asked billions of questions and being humiliated?_

_Even his unnatural patience level is wearing off, though I don't care to make this any easier on this. My own patience has shortened, drained away waiting in that dark place before Sora could save me. There's only so long someone could wait before they start to lose my mind. Though…maybe that is what this all is about. Did I lose my mind? _

_"Kairi, would you like something to drink? I'm going to get a cup of coffee." He leaves without seeing me shake my head, most likely to go into the hallway and scream. It's easy to see the tension hiding under that gray sweater vested disguise of calm, a pale blue vein pulsing in his forehead. I couldn't be his biggest challenge, could I?_

_Left alone in the office, I sigh, thankful for the peace and absence of that irritating scribbling. If only I could get rid of the ticking from the clock on the wall. Bored, I sit up to preoccupy myself with the papers and sheets scattered on his desk. My name on a file catches my attention. It's my file, my right to look at it, right? Curiously, I reach for it._

_My life is laid out before me, my grades in school, my medical history, recommendation from the counselor Mr. Rawls…flipping through the pages, one section strikes me hard. Post traumatic stress disorder, possibility schizophrenia or delusional disorder? Is that what they believe I have? The folder disgusts me with the evidence that people believe I am hallucinating. Dropping it, I turn my attention to the stack of Rorschach ink blot cards and pick one up._

_The one that vaguely looks like a dragonfly that I hadn't mentioned. What a large black splotch has to do with the mind escapes me. Still, there is an attraction to the symmetric design, trying to find an image when there wasn't one. Reminds me a bit of studying cloud shapes when I was younger. Examining once corner slightly resembling a rabbit, the ink seems to tremble, blurring. The air around me seems to chill as a shiver runs up my spine, and the rabbit in the picture moves, turning glowing yellow eyes toward me. Right away I gasp and drop it._

_"What just…" It's just a rabbit shape again, no glowing eyes or anything. Tentatively, I pick it up. It couldn't have been anything. Just…my mind playing tricks on me. Just a blob, not even a rabbit. The reassurance would have worked if the chill didn't slice into the air, an ominous feeling hanging above me. The rabbit doesn't shift this time. It's what I thought had looked like a bird's head that mutates into a claw, reaching out of the paper to clamp onto my wrist. My scream catches in my throat as I let go once more, the paper hanging from my wrist by the vice-like grip on my arm, nails digging into my flesh._

_"Somebody! Help!" It couldn't take that long to get coffee. I didn't want to be alone again, begging for the doctor to burst through the door, but when I look, a black fog creeps in under the door, through the cracked open window, flowing from every shadowed corner and from behind every diploma hanging on the wall. _

_"Princess…you thought you could escape so easily?" a voice threatens, oily smooth. I don't here it with my ears but in my head, a foul, rotting smell accompanying the smoky fog that slowly closes around me. "The dark is all around you. You can't escape it. Not even that damned Keybearer can fight us all. The battle has just begun…"_

_What had once been an inkblot morphs, writhing now off the paper as it surges to for a shadow heartless, those yellow eyes I had seen glaring hungrily as it forms in the air before the blank paper falls away forgotten. With the other hand free, it slashes at me, drawing red lines down my cheek. I barely feel the blood trickling from the wound. All I want to do is get away from the desk, get away from the inkblots and the creature that grows, the ceiling now a dark cloud that rises to accommodate it's new height. The hand on my wrist twists into a dark tendril, winding its way up my arm as I scream._

_"No! I'm not going back into the darkness!" I cry out, trying to anchor myself to the desk. The shadow tendril grows like a vine, slowly but surely as it reaches my shoulder and tries to twist around my chest. Winding around my neck, the pointed end rears up in front of me like a cobra about to strike. I swear that yellow eyes and a shadow heartless's head looks at me and laughs before it strikes toward my chest. The pain penetrates my body, a burning in every cell as a wail fills the air. It takes me a moment to realize it's my screams, falling limp against the shadows trying to encase me as the fog seems to slowly fill my head as well. At that moment, the door slams open and I drop on my hands and knees, coughing onto the floor._

_"Kairi! What are you doing!" The paper cup falls from his hands as the psychiatrist rushes in. The room is back to normal, no shadows in the room lit by the light of the setting sun. The inkblot I had been looking at lies on the floor innocently as does the rest of the papers from the desk, scattered around me. No heartless, no fog. _

_"But they were…" I choke between sobs, breathing heavily. Swiping at the tears in my eyes, my cheek stings and my hand comes away spotted with blood. My arms display other scratches, each one a crimson line oozing its way to the surface before smearing across my skin._

_Had there been anything really there? Trembling, I accept a cup of water and pills handed to me, taking them without a fuss. I am barely listening to him, sitting there on the floor with my eyes fixed on a dark stain on the floor. My blood. Had there been something here or did I somehow do this to myself? I don't ponder anymore as the drug begins its magic and sends me off into a foggy calm while I wait from my place on the floor as my parents talk with the psychiatrist out in the halls. At least the door is half open, ensuring me that I am not in here alone again. If I'm alone, the heartless might come back._

**Chapter 12**

I don't care about what problems this weekend will make. All I want to do is lie here on my back in the sand right by the water, soak up the sun and the freedom from the hospital. The waves crashing, grainy particles of sand warmed by the sun's rays. I want to be able to go home, smell like the beach. It's amazing how much I've taken all this for granted. Now, I just want to bottle it up, take some back to the hospital with me to look upon anytime I want and be able to return. Watching a gull lazily circle in the air above me, I make a mental note, come back later with a jar and try to recreate the beach in the bottom. A little sand, just a bit of seaweed, a shell. Simple things that represent what I miss. Satisfied with my plan, I take another deep breath as I've been doing a lot all day. Mmm…salty ocean air, dusty scent of sand…

I've got to go back tomorrow. I knew I wasn't out for too long, but still, it seemed to have gone by so fast. My fingers dig into the sand by my side as if trying to hold onto this particular piece of beach forever, a shiver of warmth running to my toes. Closing my eyes, I don't see darkness but the pink of the light beyond my eyelids. Not artificial lights or pitch black but the color of the pink new flesh of a baby, so full of life.

The hospital, it doesn't seem dead but lifeless. The patients there, they don't actually live there, only a shell of them. They're minds are already either gone or only staying there for a while. No wonder it seemed cold no matter how tight I pulled my blankets around me at night. There's no life within those walls.

A sunburn doesn't worry me. I just turn my face upward, a little smile playing at the corner of my lips and listening to the others laughing in the distance. Cool water, lapping just at my feet, stealing the warmth from the sand and leaving its breath in the ground, the sand settling as the water trickled through the grains and back out to the larger body. I always thought it was looked as if the beach was breathing, a sleeping giant. The sand, pulsing, breathing amidst the sea foam, especially when you stepped into the newly wet sand at the water's edge and it rushed up to wash away the footprint. Somehow, I feel the beach is alive. Dwelling on the idea of life for a moment, I get an icy shock, one wave daring to pass the edge and send water around me. Sputtering and sliding in the wet surf as I follow the tide a bit, I cough, cheeks burning red.

I never learn, do I. It's not the first time that has happened, always an unpleasant shock. As I cough up the water, dripping wet and struggling to stand up without being knocked down again, the memory of one of the last time returns to me.

It had been years ago, when I was young. I'd been lying on the beach, watching the sky being dyed by the setting sun from the day's blue to the red orange of the coming night. I'd been thinking that time as well, reaching for those memories just out of my grasp of where I had come from, if I could remember that other world that must have been my real home before I woke up on the beach, police searching the shore thinking I was some lone survivor of a boating accident. Just lying there when the wave came along, pulling me screaming and choking into shallow waters. That time, small hands reached under, pulled me up. I could remember Riku and Sora's smiling round young faces then their laughing as they helped me out of the waters and snuck me to Sora's house for a dry change of clothes before I could catch a cold. This was exactly like that time, only I am now a bit older. And the hands that pulled me up this time weren't Riku and Sora.

"You've lived here for how long and no one's told you not to lie that close to the water?" Roka steadies me, holding my hand as we make our way back to dry land. "Okay, little mermaid, how are you feeling?" His eyes are laughing at me as I blush, wringing out the bottom of my shirt to no avail.

"I'm fine, I'm fine…" Apparently I could add grace to all the things I've lost lately. Luckily, it's a warm day, battling the chill from my damp clothes. "Um, thanks I guess," I mumble. "I'll try to be more careful next time."

Roka laughs again, picking out a bit of seaweed tangled in my hair and hands it to me. "Come on. The others have lunch ready." As he puts his arm around my shoulder, I can't help feeling something strange. Not the flutter that Selphie seems to get every time she's around him but a sinking feeling. Maybe guilt? Annoyance? Something about him bothers me, and at the same time, I don't think it's possible. Maybe it's because he just seems so…perfect.

The picnic laid out on the blanket seems like something out of a TV show, laughter accompanying the music of Selphie's coos about how perfect it all looks. Accepting a sandwich from thrust at me, I take a seat in the circle and unwrap it.

"Decided to go for a swim, ya?" Wakka asks, tossing me an extra towel to throw around my shoulders. "Didn't your mother ever tell you to wait an hour to swim before eating? Or was that after?" Blushing at the teasing, I brush it off and take a bite out of my lunch, salted with the sand on my fingers.

A real beach picnic, one I haven't had in a long time even before the hospital. And the food…you'd think that it being dusted with sand it would be disgusting, but it only added to the experience. "Selphie," I say, mouth full. "This is really good."

"Hm? Oh, I didn't make it. Wakka did." I choke on my sandwich as Tidus laughs, pounding on my back a bit. "Yeah, who knew he could actually cook?"

Wakka looks embarrassed for a moment, laughing and handing me a napkin. "Ya, well, you people never asked." So strange, not knowing that he liked cooking. I knew Sora and Riku like the back of my hand, but these people I call friends, I realize how little I actually know of them. It's nice getting to know them. All this, I guess it is helping me take my mind off of things.

"Hey! Kairi's smiling!" Looking up from my sandwich, I see Tidus pointing at me, like an excited kid at the toy store. It only pulls my smile bigger, and I let out a small laugh. I guess this is one of the few times lately where I've found the need to stretch those cheek muscles. It's been a while, the feeling so alien, I cover my mouth and giggle.

Roka pushes my hand away, and I look up, the others all seeing my smile, and I see all of theirs. "Don't do that," he tells me. "See? Big smile!" Pinching my cheeks, he tries to make me give a big grin, but I turn away, chuckling slightly uncomfortably. I know he's only trying to be nice, but I can't help myself. Thankfully, Selphie breaks the feeling with her silly flirting.

"Like this Roka?" Selphie could blind us all with her teeth, leaning closer to him as he leans back and laugh. Her crush on him is more than a little obvious, but it doesn't seem to bother either of them as everyone laughs.

"Yeah, exactly like that." It leads to a smiling contest between the three boys, all trying to flash their best grins as we laugh. I guess their efforts to cheer me up is working. In the end, we're all lying in the sun, exhausted from the laughter, faces and throats soar. I want to immortalize this day. Crystallize it, shrink it, save it in my pocket forever.

As we all lay there, Tidus and Selphie's snore mingle with Wakka's mumbles in his sleep. Just me and Roka. Both of us are silent, listening to the sounds of sleepy friends and hungry gulls waiting to pick at what's left of our picnic. Finally, he moves, lightly resting his hand on my arm. At the brush of his fingers, I tense up.

"Kairi?" he asks, assuring that I'm awake. "Selphie…sort of told me what's happened to you." This is news to me. Sitting up, I look him in the eyes, questioning him without a word. "I mean, she told me some things, not all of it." That Selphie, she can never keep her mouth shut. But then, that shouldn't surprise me considering how long I've known her.

I don't say a word, giving him a long hard look before trying to lie down again when he pulls me back up, still trying to talk. "Come on, it's okay. I don't think you're crazy. You seem perfectly normal to me." I know he's so sweet, but I don't like it. It…tempts me to forget who I really need to remember.

"What do you know about normal?" I challenge. "What do you know about me? Did she tell you that I'm at a hospital for something other than a broken bone?" I can't stop what I'm saying, knowing this isn't me. It's a defense mechanism, keeping me away from him, and it's working from the looks of shock on his face. I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want him near me at all.

"Kairi, I just…"

"No. I'm sorry," I apologize, sighing. "I'm just going to go now. You're really nice and would be a great friend but…not now." I want to leave before I ruin the memory of a perfect day. It's clear in his eyes that he just wants to get to know people, one of those guys who are different than others, but he's also new, unknown to me. Lately, I've had enough of the unknown.

With a sigh, I give him a reluctant hug, show him that I don't really dislike him. I just need to know the familiar, know that things will get back to how they are supposed to be eventually. Giving him a sad look that tells him I don't want to talk right now, I turn to leave. "Tell the others that I'm sorry. I'll be happy to have them visit me again."

No good bye, I don't think it matters. I want to keep this day separate from the rest of my memories. A good bye would just connect it with me going back to the hospital tomorrow morning. Rubbing at my eye, I head home.

"Kairi, you're back already?" One of those rare times my mother is home. Immediately, she rushes me to the bathroom at the sight of my still slightly damp close, the salt from the ocean making my hair stiff. I let her baby over me a bit, filling the tub before leaving me to my own devices as her cell phone rings. Surrounded by steam and bubbles she pours in for me that I always loved when I was little, I sink into my bath, the water scalding before numbing into a comforting burn. Long day…Things at home aren't like I had left them. I still haven't figured out if the changes have been good or bad.

………………………………...

Author's notes: I know it's been nearly half a year, but I guess the short version of my apologies is that I'm sorry, things have gotten out of control for me, and I've been going through a lot of things I don't really want to talk about. As summer begins, I'm planning to try to get back into writing more, and if this chapter seems hastily written, it's only because I'm trying to just work at starting up again. I don't plan to leave this story unfinished. Wilted Rose is my first priority when it comes to finishing stories. Possible that I might work on other stories, update other things other than this for a bit, but I plan to always come back. It's just that ideas build up, must get them out of my head whether they are good or bad, but it frees me up to thinking more on Wilted Rose and concentrating on what I'm going to write next.

I'd just like to thank you all for sticking around even when I keep on disappearing for a while. Next chapter she'd be back in the hospital unless I get enough people say they'd like to see another chapter outside first, because either way I can work it. If you'd like, e-mail me at and I'll most likely get back to you within a day or two. Now, on to answering reviews…

October Breeze: Died? Ha! They can't kill me off that easily! Not sure how fast I can update, but I'm doing my best! Thanks for still sticking around!

Ud: To tell you the truth, I didn't even notice the name thing until one of my friends pointed it out. Roka's an actual name that means White Crest of Wave and just happened that I thought it fit. Apparently I just don't see the obvious very well. ;;

Ed: Organization? Oye, too many conspiracies already! No, he's not from the organization, he's just the new kid on the island.

aliasfan: Ha, once a year, I guess you were close on the guess! Thanks so much for your loyalty to the story! Aye, I think everyone's been busy lately, and I don't think just because summer is coming along, it will get completely better.

Kintora: Hehe, wow it seems as if everyone but me really did notice the name thing! I'll try not to be forever again!

MaroonSorrow: And that's what happens when there's budget cuts and the school makes the PE teacher their counselor!

Chibi Trowa B: heya! I see someone got lazy to log into their account again!

Puppkid: Wow, a new reader? Oh, thank you so much! And welcome to…Wilted Rose I guess! Heh, don't worry, you're not the only one feeling sorry for Kairi!

Seig Wolf: No, it wasn't on purpose, more like me not paying attention and then finding it was a little late to change.

Shady Fetish: ha, those three are fun, aren't they! I knew they were taken from other Final Fantasy games, but I always wondered how they really were in Kingdom Hearts.

Khfan: Thankies a billion! I'm going! I'm going!

Byn: ha, _now_ is anything going to be thrown? Ooh, you rp too? Yeah, that does take a lot of time! Yes! Go continue on your own!

Kawaii-rae: Squeaky!Hey there!

For those I missed, I'm sorry! I just replied to those who put in a review for the last chapter! But all my readers, love ya all! Thanks for sticking around! You all are what motivates me to get my lazy but on the computer! I'll see you in the next chapter, ya? And hopefully it doesn't take another half a year again! Feel free to e-mail with any other comments and ideas you have! Don't worry! Wilted Rose will never die!


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